American Psycho Morning Routine

With all the talk about how Christian Bale might actually be hot, I realized that the time is now to capitalize on this opportunity. The good news is Christian Bale already dropped his skin care routine in the indie darling 2000 film American Psycho. Bale plays hard-working young professional Patrick Bateman, just trying to navigate his way through the hectic world of investment banking. I took the transcript of Christian Bale’s American Psycho skin care routine and tried it out this week. Follow along if you want to get great skin and to dissociate from the nightmare of modern life!

  • “In the morning, if my face is a little puffy, I’ll put on an ice pack while doing my stomach crunches. I can do a thousand now.”
    • Good work Christian! I didn’t have any ice packs so I used a bag of frozen peas. It’s ok if you can’t do a thousand stomach crunches, I only did about five.
  • “After I remove the ice pack I use a deep pore cleanser lotion. In the shower I use a water activated gel cleanser, then a honey almond body scrub, and on the face an exfoliating gel scrub.”
    • Or, if you don’t have the money, time, and desire to buy all those things, you could use shaving cream with aloe vera!
  • “Then I apply an herb-mint facial masque which I leave on for 10 minutes while I prepare the rest of my routine.”
    • Shaving cream!
  • “I always use an after shave lotion with little or no alcohol, because alcohol dries your face out and makes you look older.”
    • Good advice!
  • “Then moisturizer, then an anti-aging eye balm followed by a final moisturizing protective lotion.”
    • For sure!
  • “There is an idea of a Patrick Bateman. Some kind of abstraction. But there is no real me. Only an entity. Something illusory. And though I can hide my cold gaze, and you can shake my hand and feel flesh gripping yours, and maybe you can even sense our lifestyles are probably comparable, I simply am not there.”
    • Right you are Christian! Due to the corporate culture of many businesses, not to mention the expectation of working as a morality, we are pushed beyond human capacity and molded into tools that an unfeeling cycle of institutional greed uses to obtain more material wealth with no regard for life or decency! By giving in to these unrealistic demands we dehumanize ourselves, and perhaps that’s the only way to logically cope with a capitalist system that does not care for individuals!

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