It would totally be a one-time event. One day of all day ball pit—no need to sanitize the balls or the pit. Covid-safe and (I really think this next bit is true) stress-relieving. No worries when you are surrounded by balls. It’s also a physical resource for students. Just climb in and have your student experience enhanced. Maybe pretend you are in utero again, just to feel something.

They told me my estimated cost ($5,000!) was unreasonable, and I told them to suck it, because they have no idea how inflated the price of hard, unforgiving, multicolored balls can be. They also told me that my ideal spot for it on Ascension Lawn would, “cause problems” and “ruin the campus aesthetic” and “take away valuable gathering space,” among other things that hurt my feelings and my pride.

If you’re as enraged about this as I am, come join me in protest as I lay on Ascension Lawn and scream into the air. This campus will not know peace until I get my pit!!