After a year of pandemic, many aspects of our lives have changed. I didn’t expect Ascension to be the most confusing one.

I never know if I’m allowed to be where I am in any given part of Ascension anymore. They put up those maps, but then I stand there looking like a museum-goer studying an exhibit at the Ascension Museum of Byzantine Cartography.

I also have yet to see another person in the hallways or staircases of Ascension. I’ve seen people in classrooms, yes, but how did they get there? So I must be using the wrong staircases, then. But how else would I get to the third floor? Dammit, I just walked right into some lecture. Okay, how do I get out of here? That door says “Entrance Only” so I must be walking in the wrong direction. But there’s no one else around. If I walk out the wrong door and no one’s there to see it was it really the wrong door? Morally, yes– I’m Catholic– I’ll remember walking out the wrong door for the rest of my life if I go through with this. But where in the hell is the correct exit? There’s no escape. I’m stuck in Ascension forever.

I guess it’s fitting that the Classics department calls Ascension its home– they’ve recreated the Labyrinth of Minos. Fair play.