Truth is, while I did indeed wake up every day, I may or may not have taken a smidge of creative license with the rest. But I had to return to Gambier with an adventure to talk about…
Day 1: I woke up. I found myself on our island in the Bahamas. It was too humid for my hair, and then I remembered Mother and Father had gifted me my own private jet for my last birthday. I took it to my private island off the coast of France with my friends.
Day 2: I woke up. My friends and I took my medium-sized yacht to mainland France, where we were met on the coast by 3 shiny limos. One for my friends, one for me, and one for my clothes (one must not wear the same outfit for more than 2 hours).
Day 3: I woke up. France became too drab but wanting to be nice I ditched my friends in Nice, and the 3 limos and I journeyed to Italy. Father and Mother contacted me to congratulate me on my charity work. I had bought out the entire Gucci collection in Florence in order to dress all the stray dogs I saw on the streets. I made sure to make sure every doggy looked stylish before I dared take my expertise elsewhere.
Day 4: I woke up. There wasn’t enough air conditioning in the hotel to keep all of my clothes at precisely room temperature, so I decided to take the private jet to Sweden. I met up with my friends again as we looked around for my favorite common-people candy– Swedish Fish. Sad and fishless, I left my friends off in Norway to buy every Shetland pony, and continued to the United Kingdom.
Day 5: I woke up. I was in Buckingham Palace. I dined with William and Kate and they begged me to take over the country. I declined politely, promising I would agree after finishing my degree. Every single person in the UK collectively agreed, and I spent the whole morning trying on the crown jewels and matching them to different outfits.
Day 6: I woke up. My friends came to the palace gates and asked if they could come in to have tea with me. I said no. In their childish temper tantrums, they stole one of the guard’s silly hats. He was upset with me, but I promised to replace it with something more fashionable. He was not amused and I was kicked out of England.
Days 7-9: I woke up. I had been shipped back to the United States, disgusted with the way England treated me. Harry and Meghan showed up at my house, intrigued about my trip. We gossipped for two days straight, and I’d tell you what about, but you’ll just have to wait for the Netflix documentary.
Day 10: I woke up. To blow off some steam, I took the private jet to Germany where a man named Frank brought me some franks. I drove my 15 new Porches around the Nürburgring for about 10 minutes until I succeeded the record for the fastest time to crash the most cars.
Day 11: I woke up. I had managed to journey to Prince Edward Island, but I couldn’t find Prince Edward anywhere. I cried to myself all day until I fell asleep. Don’t worry about me, I was very brave, and decided to treat myself by playing in the snow in Iceland.
Day 12: I woke up. It was not snowing in Iceland. I cried again until the Icelanders showed me the way to Greenland. My friends asked to come with me and I said yes, and then ditched them on Easter Island. How should I know that the Easter Bunny wasn’t there?
Days 13-14: I woke up. Spring break was really draining and required a lot of hard work, so I treated myself to two complementary spa days. Father and Mother tried to call me, but I ignored every call. It was hard enough work deciding what to do every day, I couldn’t also be expected to check in on my parental figures to make sure they were having fun.
Day 15: I woke up. Mother and Father called me and told me the world was my oyster, so obviously, this meant I was the queen of the sea, too! I realized that spring breaking was so much more practical than school, so I dropped out and decided to go off the grid. I’ll be taking a break from everything until summer break when I’ll be gifted a rocket ship for my birthday, so stay tuned to hear about my summer in space!
yes queen pop off totally relatable
I woke up…