Kenyon Conspiracy Theories: The Writing on the Wall

I'm pretty sure this is copyright legal because I made it myself on Microsoft Word

I’m pretty sure this is copyright legal because I made it myself on Microsoft Word

Support for me writing Kenyon Conspiracy Theories comes from The Thrill. Visit https://thekenyonthrill.com/?s=Kenyon+Conspiracy+Theories for a list of other episodes in this series. 

Previously, on Kenyon Conspiracies:

So here’s what we know. At some point in Kenyon’s past, most likely some time after 1980 when Agnew’s book was released, someone wrote “Agnew was framed” in a study carrel. That person was probably around 5’8” judging by the angle at which the message was written, and how it was written kind of sloppily…

I kept coming back to that word: recognition. It was what seemed to drive all of [Spiro] Agnew’s actions, and if you think about it, it might have been what the student was looking for when they wrote “Agnew was framed” in scratchy black pen…

[Lady Gertrude] Agnew was painted while sitting in an 18th century French bergère, and according to reports from Wikipedia, the painting brought Lady Agnew more than a little bit of prestige. So much prestige, in fact, that it only makes sense: Lady Agnew of Lochnaw was framed.

Of course, yeah, I've totally drawn conclusions at this point...

Of course, yeah, I’ve totally drawn conclusions at this point…

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Kenyon Conspiracy Theories: “Lady Agnew of Lochnaw”

what about lady agnew of lochnaw

This picture is like the Inception of two things I might not technically have the copyright for.

Previously, on Kenyon Conspiracies:

In his book, “Go Quietly…Or Else”, Agnew insisted that he had been threatened by the White House to step down, in order to save face for President Nixon…

Maybe the student didn’t even care about Agnew’s testimonial plea hoping that someone…anyone, might believe that he is innocent. Maybe the student was just looking for attention when they wrote, “Agnew was framed.” Maybe they had comps due and they were severely procrastinating. Maybe this, maybe that…

From The Kenyon Thrill and Wiggin Street Coffee in Gambier, Ohio, it’s Kenyon Conspiracy Theories: one story told every once in a while. I’m Mary Alice Jackson.

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Kenyon Conspiracy Theories: “Go Quietly…Or Else”

I'm pretty sure this is copyright legal because I made it myself on Microsoft Word

I sure hope this is copyright legal because I made it myself on Microsoft Word

Previously, on Kenyon Conspiracy theories:

“Agnew was framed”

As you can tell from the picture, there wasn’t much effort put into this message. But then again, you have to think of what it must have been like to write on the study carrel at such an awkward angle. In order for the writer to pen this message on the cubicle, they probably would have been leaning forward, maybe even sitting up out of their seat a little. Who ever wrote this, they had to have meant it. So I decided to do a little digging.

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Kenyon Conspiracy Theories: “Agnew was framed”

I'm pretty sure this is copyright legal because I made it myself on Microsoft Word

I’m pretty sure this is copyright legal because I made it myself on Microsoft Word

In light of the popularity of series like “Serial”, we at the Thrill have decided to get into the fad of debunking mysteries of our own. While on the surface this feature may appear dangerously similar to our “Kenyon Mythbusters” series, I can assure that this is not the same. What makes these cases so unique—so different from Mythbusters—is that this time, I was just sitting in the library being unproductive when the idea came to me. It pretty much fell right into my lap. And the thing is, the further I looked into these vaguely Kenyon-related conspiracies, the weirder things got.

This week, on The Thrill:

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10 o’clock list: Cove-Related Thrill Pitches We Can’t Write Anymore

How much more Cove-related content can we produce? Only time will tell.

How much more Cove-related content can we produce? Only time will tell.

Our beloved Cove is no more, and no group of students has felt this loss quite like The Thrill. To try to cope, I have gone through every list of pitches the staff has created since I’ve been a writer here (that’s 3.5 years kids! Damn near an eternity in Kenyon time) and plucked the best cove-related ideas we’ve come up with and can no longer write. If you’re thinking, “Hey, this sounds like a half-assed post! You just copied and pasted what other people wrote!” then you’d be right. Anyways, here they are:

1. “Cove people react to real life.” Ok, to be fair, we could still do this, especially now that “Cove people” have to face “real life.” But writing it now would be more like capturing widespread “Teen Mom”-esque “haHA EVERYTHING IS FINE I’M NOT CRYING, YOU’RE CRYING” panic and not “16 and Pregnant”-type “Wait WHAT IS THIS? I’m excited and scared at the same time!” panic. Continue reading