“Wow, People Are Really Bad At This” Thoughts from the Recycling Center

This article is a contribution written by Mallory Richards!

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Upon unearthing my first and hopefully last butt plug in the ‘papers’ heap of student recycling, I thought to myself “Hey, why would someone think this is recyclable?” (Other questions, too profane to publish, also raced through my mind).

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It Happened To Me: My Professor Stood Me Up on Valentine’s Day

 

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an excerpt from the script

On Valentine’s day 2017, my screenwriting professor stood me up at the VI.

That morning, I’d approached him after class, and asked if he would mind giving me some notes on a screenplay I was writing with a friend from home. “It’s about a 18 year old failing DJ, who like, spends all of this blood money by accident,” I stammered. “But, like, it’s funny though.” My professor paused for a moment before generously agreeing to read it over. He offered to meet with me that evening, Tuesday, February 14, and suggested the VI as our venue, as he was grabbing dinner there with a few friends who happened to be in town. Convenience. Understandable. I think he could tell my night was wildly free– that I had nothing better to do than meet a professor at one of two date spots on campus at 5:30 pm on Valentines Day. What gave it away? Maybe it was the crusted FunDip at the corners of my mouth (courtesy of the CDO), or the unmistakable look of bitterness in my eyes, but either way, I gave him a feeble thumbs up and exited the Wright Center.

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Where Was It Said: Sendoff or In Bed

IMG_2537.jpegAh, here we are again. Friday’s Summer Sendoff was huge a success! Sun, then rain, then sun, foodtrucks, a photobooth in a car or something, a delectable AVI feast, Pete Davidson’s absence, and pretending not to be cold. The best it gets at Kenyon :). But as the weekend fades from our hazy memories, we forget: where was it said, Sendoff, or in bed?

  • His pickle is literally dripping with grease!
  • I was wet for a second… but now I’m dry.
  • That guy was screaming Whitney’s name the whole time.
  • It seems like most of the DPHIs have access to Hanna’s entrance.
  • Is it just me, or was that performance pretty weak?
  • Now that I’m South, I’m staying South.
  • AVI really came through with the ‘cream.
  • I saw a drunk DKE ram into Leonard’s back door. Ouch!
  • Honestly, Whitney really bangs.

The Modular Units Will Begin Arriving the Week of March 21

Screen Shot 2018-03-02 at 10.57.43 AM.pngAt 8:33 a.m. today, students received a Kenyon News Digest “Campus Progress Update” on the state of construction on campus. According to the email, work begins on March 5th to prepare Ransom Lawn and the Watson Hall area for four “modular units”: temporary study spaces while Olin is violently wiped off of the face of the earth. The email states, “The modular units will begin arriving the week of March 21,” which sounds like an impending alien invasion to the Thrill staff. There are several different pods that the Nordic Aliens (sometimes called “Space Brothers”) could beam down onto Ransom Lawn, and we can only hope for the best.

Just in case anyone wants to know what our options are, The Thrill found some modular pods to ground Kenyon’s expectations.

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