It’s that time of year again. Finals are here, you’re stressed out, and, like a child, you need people to make you food and give you candy. Lucky for you, this time of the year also means you have Midnight Breakfast. Here are a few quick tips on how to win it: Continue reading
Sexually repressed boy in Bookstore: “I have been so wet for so long.”
Well here we are, we’ve made it, the promised land of intellectual superiority: college in the 21st century. Out go card catalogues, slide rules, and typewriters; this is the age of the computer, spell check, the age of instant gratification! The once mighty pen falls ignominiously to the fingers at the typewriter; we truly live in a marvelous age. But there is trouble in paradise, and it comes in the form of Google Docs. This infernal feature — so touted by groups of intrepid students — can quickly turn on its creators and unleash its fury upon them. So how to skirt around its gnarliest issues? Luckily, dear reader, you have us.
It’s that time of year again! Spring has slowly (ever so slowly) sprung, the sun is shining and people are realizing how many people actually go to this school after our long winter hibernation. But the jubilations are tainted somewhat with fear as to what lies ahead: SWIMSUIT SEASON. You’ve been surviving on a steady diet of Cove food and cheap beer, and while you aren’t unhealthy, there is a thin veneer of winter blubber that has remained stealthily hidden from view by poofy down jackets (and no one blames you; you survived the Polar Vortex goddam it, you deserve to eat however you want!). For those of you looking to get back to fighting shape, here are a few ways you can get that bod ready for the beach, without actually making that trek down to the KAC, which is really all the workout you would have needed anyways.
1. Pray for more snow: As Alexander Graham Bell said (paraphrasing), “If you’re too lazy to get in shape for real, just make sure you never have to show off your body, like ever. I invented the telephone. YOLO.” You don’t even need to leave the comfort of your own room — simply draw a pentagram into your floor, sacrifice an ice cube in the middle and offer your soul to whatever sick bastard has been causing all this accursed whiteness to fall upon our campus. Continue reading
Perhaps you’ve seen them in the center of Gambier, selling their wares, smiling to passersby, deep in conversation with one another, their horse and buggy parked to the side of the street. Maybe you’ve walked or biked or driven by one of their farms, with hardworking people tending the fields and animals. Maybe you knew of them when you came to Kenyon, maybe they were a surprise. However you see them, the Amish people of central Ohio live quite different lives than many of us, both in belief and lifestyle. You probably didn’t know then (nor did I) that song is a huge part of their social culture, from children chorusing in schools to Sunday night sings. Generously offering a glimpse into their world, the Beachy Family from Holmes County have offered to sing for us tonight.
- What: Amish Sing
- Where: Peirce Lounge
- When: 11:15 a.m.
What’s up, humanities nerds! I’m here to come drop some hard science on your asses! The silent majority is now rising; biologists, chemists, physicists, [Ed: and mathematicians] STAND UP! It’s time to take our talents to Gambier. You ain’t never seen anything like this. It’s time we put ourselves at the front of your lecture halls and show you our interpretations. Get buckled in, because I’m about to show you what these sculptures really mean.
So it’s finally getting warmer out, frisbees are flying, birds are singing and the snows are melting away. Time once again for stargazing season. So grab a blanket, a bottle of wine and your slampiece; here’s what you can expect to see: