Have you ever woken up on a Saturday morning to a bunch of missed calls and texts threatening, “if u don’t answer I will have to go run my other deliveries and wont be back for 30-40 minutes” — or something along those lines — from various (740) numbers? Do you have a lot of feelings about ranch dressing? Is it a weekend night in Gambier and you’re just…tryna? Chances are you’re already familiar with this entry in the Klexicon: the Cove.
This morning, a Gawker affiliate called “Rankings” published a list of “Safety Schools, Ranked,” and ol’ Kenyon College took the number-eight spot out of 22 items. Now, I say “items” because while 20 of the other entries are in fact, schools (including Cornell, Dartmouth, and Tufts), #21 is “[Live at home, save some money, read miscellaneous interesting Reddit pages].”
Did your adorable, first-year self ever open up iTunes in your first-year dorm, only to realize that you could totally see the iTunes library of the cute boy who lived on the floor below you (thanks to the all-connecting Kenyon Wi-Fi), and that he totally had Ja Rule’s entire discography too and you said to yourself, “He’s gonna marry me”?
Anyways, while I was backing up my iPhone photos on my iPhoto library because I’m an adult, something similar (but decidedly different) happened. I spotted a clickable “shared” photo library. Labeled “Sean Decatur’s Photos.” Continue reading
Do you remember Mariah Carey’s ex-husband Nick Cannon’s improv show on MTV called Wild ’N Out (which originally ran from 2005 to 2007 but was apparently renewed in 2013 for MTV2 — who knew)? In one episode, during a section titled “R & Beef,” the guys freestyled a song called “You Look Better With the Lights Low.”* That song title is the exact opposite of how I feel about the Cove.
I was walking to my afternoon class the other day, and on the ground outside of the Cove, I spotted three dried-up pancakes, one and a half dried-up donuts, one dried-up muffin and two other dried-up bread products I couldn’t identify.
Back in April, this unusually apt Kenyon Confessions poster finally articulated what has been on (perhaps) everyone’s minds since the page’s advent in the fall: this kid Saxon Justice gets tagged, pretty much without fail, in every remotely risqué confession by his friends, or one can only assume, frenemies. Who is this immaculately named Mr. Justice, and why do his friends keep embarrassing him on social media? I sent him a message to him to see if he’d be down to answer some questions as a “semi-campus celebrity,” and though he clarified, “by no means would I qualify myself as that by the harassment I suffer via Kenyon confessions,” he was happy to oblige. Continue reading