I Infiltrated an A Cappella Group So You Don’t Have To

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That’s right gang. Despite having no vocal training, no singing experience, and only the vaguest idea of what a time signature is, I went undercover and pretended to be in an a cappella group for two (2) years so you don’t have to. And now the jig is up, and I’m here to share with you all the things I’ve learned in my secret time singing without instruments. The Group in Question: Take Five, Kenyon’s premiere jazz a cappella group, the sexiest group on campus and the only group stupid enough to take me.

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That’s right gang! Life is silly, right? But what does a kid like me need to do to make some silliness on this campus? Where can I exploit the absurdity of Kenyon’s culture and construction? What if I want to write about the artists, the musicians, the comedians, and various ears on this campus?

Look no further than The Kenyon Thrill! Kenyon’s ONLY publication. We are Kenyon’s premiere news and entertainment site, and we want YOU (you) to APPLY.

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It Happened to Me: I Got Stuck in a Blizzard for 15 Hours

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image credit: SnowBrains.com

Hello, yes, it’s that time of year again. Everybody’s making the trek home, whether that involves putting your trust in an elaborate bureaucratic system hellbent on putting you in a metal tube that slingshots you through the air, or taking matters into our own hands and driving home. I live on Long Island, a fact that for some reason upsets every single person I know. This means, among other things, that it’s a nine-hour drive from here to home, and with City traffic and Long Island traffic, it’s more like a twelve hour drive home. So I usually fly, but I have notoriously horrible luck traveling. If I fly, there’s about a fifty percent chance my flight will get cancelled. I’ve been laid over and stranded in Charlotte, Seattle, LaGuardia, Columbus, and Washington D.C., and one time I booked a flight that didn’t exist.

[Editor’s note: I was on the same flight as Chris for Thanksgiving break and we did have to deplane and wait for a new one because our first plane’s door hatch was broken, causing a 2 hour delay. Bad travel luck confirmed]

So last spring break I thought, why don’t I drive home. I didn’t have a car, but my friend Lily did, and she lived just outside New York City. Eight hour drive home, take the train into the city, and from the city to the island. What could go wrong?

I got stuck in a blizzard for fifteen hours.

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10 o’clock list: Bot Prompts We Couldn’t Do

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Image credit: “How Computers Misunderstand the World” The Verge

Last weekend, our writer Tyler Raso put dozens of Thrill headlines into a bot, and then forced the bot, against its and our will, to generate content for us. Every day this week, one article on the site will be one of the prompts the bot generated. These are our stories.

It’s been a weird week here at the Thrill. Always on some cutting edge, this week we’ve decided to delve headfirst into the Future™ that AI and machine learning have for us. One day, I’m assured by professors, targeted ads on Instagram, and Google’s AlphaGo, machines will be so efficient at doing everything, they’ll even be able to think for me! Thank GOD. Just as predicted, they’ve thought of some Thrill ideas for this week, and let me tell you, I sure am nervous.

Here’s a few prompts the bot came up with that we wanted to write, but just couldn’t match the bot’s intelligence:

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