1984: A Kenyon Dystopia

courtesy of the Kenyon College Archives

courtesy of the Kenyon College Archives

In the year MCMLXXXIV, Reagan was in office, and on a small hill in the middle of rural Ohio, Kenyon College was much the same as it has been. But! Behold! The Kenyon College 1984-1985 Student Handbook, found in the attic of one of our esteemed editors! A treasure trove of idiosyncrasies, lax moralities and low, low meal prices.

Here are some gems, for your reading pleasure.

  • Painting of residence rooms. Students who wish to paint their quarters, or have them painted, must make arrangements with the of the Assistant Dean for Student residences where copies of the College’s room painting policy are available.  Continue reading

This Just In, Yesterday: Salt Shortage Signals Impending Slipperiness

slipLast night, a relative flurry of all-stu emails came drifting into my inbox. One nearly escaped my notice (I was eagerly looking for class cancellations), bearing the all-important subject line, “Salt Supplies are Limited for Kenyon Community.” Hmm. And no, Kenyon is not on a low sodium diet. And no, Kenyon is not investing in salt-licks for all of our beloved deer. Continue reading

10 o’clock List: Places I Fell Asleep Today

Can this wait? I'm napping here.

Can this wait? I’m napping here.

Was it just me who sensed a generally sleepy feeling today? Yay? Nay? Anyways. The premise of this post assumes that the general audience was as dozy as its writer. Perhaps it was the post reading days-haze settling upon us. Or maybe the gray, overcast skzzzZZzzzzzzZ…

  1. My 9:40 history class: My sincerest apologies to my professor. It was just one of those days: if I just shut my eyes for five seconds…four…three… Continue reading

Do It Tonight: This Was Water

These are goldfish.

These are goldfish.

Unless you live in a hole in the ground, you probably know that David Foster Wallace came to Kenyon this one time and gave this speech. Three years later, he was dead. This was not the expected progression of events. So, D.T. Max wrote this book, and he’s here to talk!

  • What: “This Was Water: A Reading and Discussion with D.T. Max”
  • Where: Rosse Hall
  • When: 7:30 pm TONIGHT

10 o’clock list: Songs with Potentially Philosophical Implications that I May or May Not Have Heard at Old Kenyon Last Night

via wikipedia commons

“School of Athens” courtesy of Raphael (via Wikipedia Commons)

After a rather civilized indie band performance at the Farm, my friends and I (who are, for the record, not first years, even though we were out at 9:45. No really. We aren’t. Just ask) rolled up to Ye Olde Kenyone expecting a night of careless debauchery. After a kind sister doodled lines between my fingers in a vain attempt at Xs, we descended into Dante’s Inferno. The scene was a feast for the senses. The air smelled of sweat, beer and horny first years; the temperature was rising. Anonymous bodies, clothed in white and splattered with neon phallic hieroglyphs, packed onto the dance floor, fueled by a quintessentially collegiate soundtrack. For a moment, I lost myself, thinking I had walked into a state-school party (or what I imagine one would be like). Continue reading

Do it today: Constitution Day

Happy Constitution Day America! AKA the day our darling founding fathers signed ye olde Constitution of the United States. Accordingly, we must celebrate with a public holiday! Just kidding, get back to class.

  • What: Constitution Day
  • When: Dawn til Dusk (but especially at 7:30 when guest speaker Justice Judith French is on campus)
  • Where: America (she’ll be in the Community Foundation Theater, located in the Gund Gallery)
  • Why? America, that’s why.