“Boil Alert: Reloaded” is Here, and It’s Just as Bad as the Sequel to “The Matrix”

oops

Get that kettle a-steamin’, party people! In an email sent via Student Info, Barbara Catt stated the following:

A main water line has broken on Brooklyn street.  The Village Administrator has had the water shut off and the water company is on scene.  Gambier & Kenyon will be under a boil alert once the line is repaired.

Campus Safety currently hasn’t any further details.  We will relay updates as they are received.
Whether you’re rearing to brush your pure, sweet little teeth or hydrate after a sweaty night yelling trivia answers at the VI, make sure to only ingest bottled or boiled water. We wouldn’t want what happened the last time we had a boil alert to happen again, now would we?*
*Nothing happened.

10 o’clock List: Actual Real Things that Prove Kenyon was Haunted This Weekend

It was Slimer the whole friggin time!!! (Photo courtesy of Emma Brown '17, Slimer courtesy of Columbia Pictures)

It was Slimer the whole friggin time!!! (Photo courtesy of Emma Brown ’17, Slimer courtesy of Columbia Pictures)

Hi everyone. Halloweekend was crazy, and I’m gonna tell you why.

Swear to LORDE KENYON, 100% of these Twilight Zone-esque vignettes are 100% true. Did I swap out a detail or two to protect the innocent? Maybe. But this campus went crazy this weekend, and too often I found myself asking, “Am I even here right now?” Kenyon broke, y’all. I think we’re Halloweentown now. And I’m not sure we can go back to the way things were. Continue reading

Weekday Playlist: Unoffensive Corporate Jazz Inspired by Panera Bread

I love your work. (via panerabread.com)

I love your work. (via panerabread.com)

Eight o’clock finds me doing small Hillary Clinton-esque shoulder shimmies to the ’90s jazz tunes softly tumbling out of the Mount Vernon Panera Bread’s speakers. I’m having a dope-ass, chill-ass Tuesday, And You Should Too!™

To bring my fun experience straight to you, I Shazam’d a bunch of the songs I’ve heard within the past hour and put them all in a neat lil playlist. This entirely innocuous and somewhat bland set of moderately funky jams will make you say, “Hey! This is something I could have played on my tiny Bluetooth speaker when my parents walked into my Mather double last weekend to make it seem like college had made me super mature and sophisticated!” Or perhaps you’ll think, “Wow! This forces me to focus even harder on procrastinating! Maybe I should check out that Kim Kardashian app!”

Anyway, here’s the playlist. Hunker down, study up, and stay tuned for updates – there’s no way I’m going to stop asking Siri “what song is this” every two to three minutes. I’ve already set a precedent.