Picture this: You’re in the servery. It’s cold and dark. You’ve just finished making your 10th sandwich of the day. You go to put some sweet, sweet mayo on that baby, only to stand there, helpless as you shake the bottle for what seems like a millennia. People line up behind you, their eyes staring daggers into your back. A baby is crying somewhere in the distance. You start to sweat profusely. The room fills with your sweat, and you’re still holding onto that goddamned mayonnaise bottle, drowning, drowning, crying out for help–All right, I think you get the point. Anyone who’s been around me for more than 3 milliseconds knows of my shameful love of mayonnaise in all of its many shapes and forms. What can I say? Blame it on my heritage. Whether it be Hellman’s (for your average joe), aioli (for the more refined) or Vegenaise (for the socially woke health nuts out there), there’s nothing that a fat dollop of mayo can’t fix. Getting said mayonnaise, however, can be a humbling experience. That’s why I’ve decided to ease your Mayo Mishaps with this much-needed list!
I want to preface this cursed article by saying that I am fully aware of how disgusting the concept of this is. I’m here to tell you that I don’t give a singular hoot. Needless to say, I didn’t care enough about myself or my health to stop myself from embarking on this journey! Here are five outfits perfect for any occasion that I made from the pile of clothes left in the Old K laundry room:
Whether it be the aroma of your mom’s home cooking, or the calming scent of clothing fresh out of the dryer, there are some smells that just can’t be beat. But out here in good ol’ Gambier, much like the Twilight Zone, the rules don’t apply. In rural Ohio, your nose (and mental strength) are challenged like they have never been before. Here some of the of Kenyon’s many memorable smells: