Beware There’s a Guy in the Woods and He’ll Make You Into Soup: A Story

Beware There’s a Guy in the Woods and He’ll Make You Into Soup: A Story

In the fall semester last year, I went to the observatory on a DATE with a GIRL.

Well the date actually starts with a bike ride into Mount Vernon, then a delicious dinner at Athens, and then on the way back, my significant other to be and I walk up the hill to the observatory via 229. Neither of us had been to the observatory and we didn’t really know where it is. I suggest that we follow the road assuming that eventually we will reach the observatory. My intuition would have served me right. But I’m a sub, so I listen to my date and take a trail that leads us to a campsite. There’s a bike, a tent, some pots and pans etc. Normal camp shit, but I’m shook. I hide my fear by asking questions about the culturally appropriative summer camp that she went to growing up. We turn around, get back to the road and eventually make it to the observatory.

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10 o’clock list:4 Songs to Listen to in Peirce While You Sit Alone Eating Chicken Parmesan Between 7:53-8:10pm

img_0942It’s been a tough Sunday. I know. You were frantically attempting to finish essays, readings, and the Marble Cookie Brownie you ordered last night for no good reason. Now you’re at Peirce eating chicken parmesan alone because it’s too late and your friends suck. The chicken parm is good, but something is missing. Music. G.O.O.D. Music. No, good music that will fill the emptiness you feel inside. Here is a list of the songs that will keep you afloat in this trying time.

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How To Break the Ice with the Coolest Girl on Your Hall

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Hi Freshmen! It’s almost mid-September and you know what that means. You’ve been at Kenyon for over a fortnight! Isn’t crazy to think that less than a month ago your parents blindfolded you, drove you to Gambier, OH, and then threw you out of the car leaving you with a gift card to Pep Boys and a GG Allin album. Your parents are fucked up. But then you learned that you had been accepted to Kenyon Class of 2020 and all was well. You moved into your room, you met your CA, and then you met your hallmates. One of your hallmates particularly stuck out to you. Not because she only spoke in Latin and engraved her name and the date of her death on her door with her fingernail, but instead because she’s from the Bay area and you think she might know your friend Kyle.

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Meet an Unconscious Kenyon Student

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We all know and love the Meet a PC and Meet an SMA features here on thekenyonthrill.com. But The Thrill has forgotten about many other Kenyon student groups that deserve an equivalent profile. One of these communities is rarely heard from. Not because they don’t have anything to say, but, rather, because they can’t say anything at all. You see them all over campus: in the library, in 3rd Floor Ascension, waiting in line in the servery. I wanted to give a voice to the voiceless in this first edition of  Meet an Unconscious Kenyon Student!

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