The Thrill Editors Confess Their Most Regrettable Purchases

et mask

via flickr

Okay. So, it’s the end of the semester and I’m pretty sure we’re all going through it. There are so many papers, exams, and projects that sometimes all you want to do is make an unneeded Market run or impulse buy whatever type of alien mask is at the top of your Amazon wishlist. While we at the Thrill aren’t always the biggest fans of capitalism, we can 100% relate to using our meager Kenyon wages to buy things that were 100% unnecessary. Below are some such examples of Thrill editors proving that we are all just dumb babies who should not be trusted with real money.

  • The ramen noodles that gave me second degree burns
  • I bought an E.T. mask online and I don’t regret it but I guess it could be considered “regrettable”

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Weekday Playlist: Walking to Class

musicman

It’s 9:58 on a Friday morning. You stand just inside the doorway of Old K, not quite ready to make your way to class and attempt to bullshit your way through your third day in a row of not doing the reading. You need something something special to get you going and thankfully, you know just the thing. You take a deep breath, grab your headphones, and hit play on your favorite Pete Davidson-themed playlist. You skip along Middle Path, humming all the way, until just before you fling open the glass doors of the Gund Gallery, an even better song starts to play! Now you’ll have to wait outside as you appreciate every soulful note because you can’t just stop art in it’s tracks, right? Right. As you sway back and forth, watching all of your classmates shuffle into the building without you, you decide that next time, you’ll be smarter. You’ll choose a song that’s exactly the length of your walk to class, right down to the second. But what will it be? Well, the Thrill has a few suggestions…

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10 o’clock list: The Most Likely Places to Find Teeth

palme teeth.jpg

Don’t be scared… I’ve done this before… show me your teeth

When you go to school on top of a tiny hill surrounded by cow pastures and corn fields, sometimes you have to turn to unique ways to get your kicks. Some get really into power walking, some decide to drop acid in Mather, and those of us who enjoy the simple pleasures turn to teeth. What’s better than letting your fingertips sink into through a barrel of pearl-like fangs à la Amélie while you listen to a playlist consisting solely of “Teeth” by Lady Gaga and “Tusk” by Fleetwood Mac? Nothing! That’s as good as it gets, let me tell you. Below are some of the most reliable tooth-mining places I’ve found at Kenyon, so have at it!

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The Kenyon Girl

kenyon cool girl

Men always say that as the defining compliment, don’t they? She’s a Kenyon girl. Being the Kenyon Girl means I am a brunette, bespectacled, coastal elite who adores Peeps parties, Pinegrove, the Collegiate, and American Spirit cigarettes, who reads David Foster Wallace, drinks Natty Lights, is friends with all of the Fools but not in the Fools, loves to hookup before ignoring each other on Middle Path, and jams Peirce grilled cheeses and VI spinach and artichoke dip into her mouth like she’s hosting the world’s biggest Peircegiving while somehow fitting into the same cuffed jeans, because Kenyon Girls are above all hot. Hot and quirky. Kenyon Girls never get angry; they only smile in a chagrined, loving manner and let their men do whatever they want. Go ahead, shit on me, I don’t mind, I’m the Kenyon Girl.

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10 o’clock list: How to Prove You did the Reading Without Looking Like a Normie

normies

Ah, the delicious thrill of class participation. You raise your hand, tentatively at first, before fully solidifying your thought and thrusting your hand into the air. But how will you distinguish yourself from every other well-prepared student in the class? You can’t just comment on the author’s intentions or ask a question about figures mentioned in a study, no, you must do something that catches the attention of your professor and makes them think, “Wow, this kid knows their stuff,” and not, “Why is this school full of fucking normies…God, I wish I was teaching at Oberlin.”

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Shit Kenyon Professors Say, Vol. II

shit prof 2

We really do!

These quotes have been collected from professors in various areas of study, by a variety of Thrill contributors. Click here for our previous installment. 

“I mean, obviously I’m leftist. I have leftist bias. But like, that shit’s racist.”

“I am older and meaner than the devil.”

“We all piss and shit.”

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