As college visit season comes to a peak, one of the most common questions asked by over-confident prospies is: “Why did you choose Kenyon?” It’s a hard question to answer, as the reasons why students choose Kenyon College are as varied as they are numerous. Some fall in love with our stunning campus, others long to join our diverse population, and I guess a few want a good education, or whatever. Me? I came for what Kenyon is known best for. We’ve been on lists! We’ve won awards! I enrolled to become the newest, and first, cosmetology major at Kenyon College and, boy, have I been cutting some hair.
We all have fun stories about meeting celebrities, punching windows, and being stood up by our professors that have so many twists and turns that not even a full post can thoroughly cover. However, some stories only need a single sweet line to burst into the world. Here are some of the Thrill Editors’ best, and shortest, “It Happened to Me”s.
“Campo caution taped up all the doors in Horvitz during a blackout while I was still inside.”
“I threw up in old side and just left it there.”
“I drunkenly tried to have phone sex in the middle of a Taft party.”
It’s October! The leaves are changing, you’re realizing that you shouldn’t have skipped that week of Modern Quest readings, and your once-perfect skin is beginning its annual shedding. With the cold weather comes dry skin and, boy, this year it’s looking rough. Your Glossier moisturizer has dried up and your $30 Organic Spirulina Gluten-Free Foaming Face Mask has grown spots of its own, so what can you do? This wouldn’t be a problem if you had access to a Lush or even the Target skin care aisle, but the closest thing in Gambier is the Burt’s Bees section in the Bookstore and, let’s be honest, your frequent VI trips have left you with a measly $3.44 on your K-Card. I guess you’ll just have to eat away your sorrows in… That’s it! Peirce! It’s time to game the system and make your meal plan work for you and your face.
Open up the Kenyon College instagram. What do you see? Interspersed between photos of grinning first-years and intensely saturated flowers are Kenyon’s unofficial mascots: the campus statues. They see us when we’re sleeping, they know when we’re awake, and they know when we take cups from Peirce so stop for goodness sake! But which statues have the power, the drive, the big dick energy to command our attention by emitting mind-controlling vibrations?