10 o’clock List: Tips for Creating A Competitive OkCupid Profile

Friends and lovers! In a matter of days we will all be leaving the Hill, and some of us will be leaving forever. But, really, all of us will be leaving this mountain top of fun, sexy times v. soon. Weekend after weekend of guaranteed romantic adventures will be coming to end — and it’s time to get real.

You need help finding love away from Kenyon. Your awkward quirk/cuteness is just not going to translate in the real world. It’s time to get professional help. And by “professional help” I mean, of course, OkCupid.  For those of you who are unfamiliar with the online dating oasis, OkCupid “is a free friendship, dating and social networking website that features member-created quizzes and multiple-choice questions,” according to Wikipedia. 

Sounds like a sure-bet for success. But how do you make your account stand out, in a good way?

1. Have an “I’m over this” attitude. In your about me section, give off an attitude of “I’m too good to be doing this.” When talking about yourself, make sure that your tone suggests that you hate talking about yourself, and then write three paragraphs about your personal likes and dislikes in great detail.

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Master Chef: Athletic Salads

This week on Master Chief, our contestants, Molly Narkis ’17 and Gracie Potter ’17, were challenged to make an athletic salad. That was the only directions they received. With four minutes on the clock, Team Narkis and Team Potter went head to head to concoct a dish for the judges. And the results?

No one knows that woman. she just jumped into the shot. I don't even think she goes here.

No one knows that woman. she just jumped into the shot. I don’t even think she goes here.

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Sundress Etiquette/Tips for Minimizing Unwanted Butt Exposure

As we enter into Sendoff week, it appears that nice weather has finally arrived. And with the arrival of 70-degree weather comes the return of sundresses! Yes, you heard me: sundresses! From Tafts to suburbia, the campus is flooded with young ladies prancing about in dresses, which are cut from the softest cotton (or a polyester spandex blend), fall right above the knee (or a little bit lower or higher) and float blissfully just above the skin. The season of exposed skin has made it’s entrance.

Now it has come to my attention that the secret to successful and carefree sundress-times is not known to the whole population. This concerns me. It worries me. And I’m gonna be upfront about it, it makes me think about the state of our community at large. That’s right — I’m worried about our moral fiber. So for the love of all that is good on our magic mountain top, please follow my suggestion.

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