When I came to Kenyon College, I expected to have freedom that I didn’t have in high school. I had a myriad of new opportunities, like sports, or tabletop RPGs. The world was my oyster. But then I joined some a cappella group and now I’m obligated to go to twenty other a cappella concerts a year. Don’t make the same mistake as me kids. Continue reading
Author Archives: Keiran Lorentzen
Help! My Dad Has Made the Same Groundhog Day Joke Every Day For Three Months

To all of you living at home right now, this one’s for you. I understand what many of you are going through. Returning to live with your parents after thriving in K-Town, USA would be quite the change to make, even if there wasn’t a global case of the uglies going down as we speak. The days of online school start blurring together, and if your family is also working from home, it may seem that all of you are doing the same song and dance day in and day out.
Continue readingWhy Doing the Bare Minimum is Morally Responsible

A universal truth we’re all facing right now is that we’re having a rough time. So in these sub-optimal circumstances, we’re all trying to make things easy for our friends and family, as well as ourselves. With that in mind, I propose a way that everyone can feel a lot better, without putting in a whole lot of work: do the bare minimum.
Continue readingHow To Make Butter Angels In The Peirce Atrium

Before I grant you this knowledge, I need to absolutely and unequivocally say I don’t endorse anyone doing this. Seriously, this is only a theoretical How-To, it was never meant to be put into practice. If I find out anyone has done this, I will be very upset.
Continue readingSecret Halloween: November 1st

Hello readers. I imagine that most of you will be reading this the day after All Hallows’ Eve, long after the ghosts and ghouls have departed. “Rats” you may be thinking to yourself, “If only I could have made more of last night. My fright and scare levels aren’t nearly where they should be.” Well do I have news for you, dear reader. For years, I have been celebrating a bonus holiday, known only to a select few. With this one weird trick, I have circumvented the post-pumpkin blues. And you can too, by celebrating Secret Halloween with me.
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