Seth Lockwood Pitches that Never Became Posts But Should Be Shared Anyways

“This is me. This is who I am,” said Seth, via GroupMe

Seth Lockwood is a rebel and a prince. You know him from such posts as New Musical: The Cup Song and Top Five Unconventional and Unexpected Roles to Play in my Burgeoning Kenyon iCarly Roleplay Group.

Seth routinely contributes pitches that make no damn sense as posts, but make us piss our pants nonetheless. So, in no particular order, here are some of his best from the semester.

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10 o’clock list: Ways to Spend this Long-Ass Winter Break

I know, I also can’t believe the semester is already over. It went by so fast!! Having class six days a week and only getting three days of break the whole semester has not left me a broken woman, I feel like I could jump right into the spring! Who’s ready for comps?!?!

Okay so we have a six-week winter break this year because of the things and stuff, and it’s straight up dangerous to leave our houses. What are we supposed to do? The Queen’s Gambit is only seven episodes long. And I don’t have Disney Plus.

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God is Punishing Me for Ditching So Much Class in High School

Listen. I do not really believe god created this entire pandemic just to punish ME for chronic truancy. God created this pandemic to punish all of us for a lot of things. But it has become clear to me, through my trials at Zoom University, that one pre-pandemic sin for which I am now paying was my failure to attend class at a legally acceptable rate throughout high school.

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Thanksgiving Dishes to Cook in an Easy-Bake Oven While Quarantining from Your Family After Getting Home from Kenyon

I, for one, think it’s brave how colleges and universities around the country decided to drop-kick hundreds of thousands of virus-hoarding students back to their vulnerable parents immediately before a major family holiday and smack at the start of the fall surge experts have been warning us about since April.

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