Our dear dear first-year writers and editors experienced their first-ever Inaugural Ball this weekend! So we asked them: What did you think? Did you like it? Were you scared? Did you cry? Are you okay? Is there someone I can call? An ambulance? Do you need an ambulance? Oh god you don’t have insurance okay oh god oh fuck I can’t drive but I can call you an Uber? Yeah? Is Uberpool okay?
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You read their expectations. You prayed for their survival. Now you learn how their night really went.
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The Academy Awards are tomorrow!!! Hollywood’s biggest, whitest celebs will get all dolled up to celebrate the biggest, whitest achievements of the year. I am by no means an authority on movies, but I am an authority on good taste in general, so I’ve filled out an Oscar ballot for the biggest awards of the night!
Oh man oh man oh boy my friends It’s the BIG GAME! The OSCARS OF SPORTS!!! The SUPER BOWL ALS LIV!!!!!
Even though the New Year was invented by Hallmark to sell holiday cards, it’s still a valuable opportunity to work towards self-improvement. And going off of what I’ve seen since we got back, you people have a long way to go.
There’s still time to make a resolution and stick to it. If you had a resolution and already broke it, there’s still time to make another. If you never make resolutions because “self-improvement should be a lifelong investment, not an annual fad,” fuck you.
Become a better person, and more importantly, a better Kenyon student by following these resolutions, none of which involve going to the KAC.
alright everybody here’s the deal it’s thursday noon pm and all around me folks are finishing their finals meanwhile I just submitted one final project and had a final exam this morning and an exam yesterday morning and am just now sitting down to write forty pages of a full-length screenplay SO before I switch into aaron sorkin mode I must warm my poor ropey brain back up and to do that I’m gonna spit-ball some festive jell-o shot recipes or really jell-o shot concepts because how the fuck do you even make jell-o anyways?
