The Academy Awards are tomorrow!!! Hollywood’s biggest, whitest celebs will get all dolled up to celebrate the biggest, whitest achievements of the year. I am by no means an authority on movies, but I am an authority on good taste in general, so I’ve filled out an Oscar ballot for the biggest awards of the night!
Oh man oh man oh boy my friends It’s the BIG GAME! The OSCARS OF SPORTS!!! The SUPER BOWL
Even though the New Year was invented by Hallmark to sell holiday cards, it’s still a valuable opportunity to work towards self-improvement. And going off of what I’ve seen since we got back, you people have a long way to go.
There’s still time to make a resolution and stick to it. If you had a resolution and already broke it, there’s still time to make another. If you never make resolutions because “self-improvement should be a lifelong investment, not an annual fad,” fuck you.
Become a better person, and more importantly, a better Kenyon student by following these resolutions, none of which involve going to the KAC.