How to Host Senior Soiree from Quarantine

For the class of 2021, the anticipated tradition of Senior Soiree is just another Senior Sorry :/ .

Normally the weekend before Thanksgiving break would be reserved for a flashy seniors-only Peirce formal. Underclassmen would be banished to their quads. Fairy lights would glow through the New Side windows, lighting up the Eastern horizon like a reverse sunrise. The school would buy us alcohol. 

Alas, this year is not normal, and frankly the idea of being packed in an enclosed room with hundreds of drunk maskless college students makes me want to claw my throat out. 

Continue reading

WE CALLED IT: Halloween Costume Contest 2020 RESULTS!!!

Now that that OTHER contest everyone was focused on this week has finally been called, we can proudly announce the results of our annual costume contest!

Congrats to all of our contestants. You kept the spirit alive. You may not request a recount.

CONTESTANTS (in no particular order):

Ava Gruskoff ’23 and Sam Hafetz ’23: Courtney Barnett and Kurt Vile on the cover of collaborative album Lota Sea Lice

Griffin Crump ’24: Plague Doctor

Donny Long ’23: The Dude from Big Lebowski

Dannie Lane ’22: Soybean STALK-er

Sklyer Lesser-Roy ’22: Cam Jensen, child detective

Margaux Harrington ’24 and Kit Ross ’24: Robin Sparkles and Robin Daggers

Caleb Newman, Ruby Rosenfeld, Yana Honcharuk, Lauren Childs, Maddie Friday, and Jack McClellan, all ’24: The Scooby Gang, with The Mystery Machine (Caleb), Velma (Ruby), Daphne (Yana), Fred (Lauren), Shaggy (Maddie), and Scooby Doo (Jack)



Our winner will recieve a whopping $25 gift card to the Kenyon Bookstore, reedemable in person or online! Congratulations!!!

And finally, a costumes from our Editorial Staff, who were ineligible for the contest but still wanted to show off their looks.

Ellie Melick ’21 and Alum: Jeff Winger and Britta Perry as Ricky Nightshade, Rock ‘n Roll Magician, and Female Assistant

Do It Today: VOTE

WHAT: Your civic duty!

WHERE: Your local polling place. For those on campus, it’s the Gambier Community Center, 115 Meadow Lane (behind the KAC). More info for Kenyon students can be found here.


WHY: Literally nothing else you do today could possibly be more important, not that paper, not that workout, not that dick appointment, nothing. If you see a child choking on the street, pick it up and do the Heimlich maneuver on your way to the polls because nothing. else. is more. urgent. VOTE!!!!

Now, More Than Ever, We Must Get Fucked Up on Halloween

It has been a difficult year.

Consider all that has happened. Actually, don’t, it’s upsetting. Remember the impeachment? Yeesh. Remember Kobe? FUCK. Let’s not talk about it.

We still have two months left of 2020, most of which will surely be spent dealing with the fallout of the 2020 election (you’re kidding yourself if you think that hellrodeo will be settled on Tuesday night). And we still have to get through almost half of a semester that is probably––and I’m going out on a limb here–– not our best ever with Kenyon College. 

So what can we hold onto, at this moment when the world threatens to fly off of its hinges?


Continue reading

Dust off your Ouija Boards and Polish your Broomsticks, IT’S HALLOWEEK 2020!!!

There’s a dirty rumor being spread by some sorry individuals that because of the current pandemic, Halloween has to be cancelled, or extremely scaled back. If we can’t throw massive ragers or shower the naked bodies’ of strangers in regurgitated fun size Milky Ways then what’s even the point?

Well Halloween ain’t cancelled ’til the Thrill says it’s cancelled. And we’d sooner make peace with pep band.

Continue reading