10 o’clock list: Top Campus Disappearances That the Seniors May Reserve the Right to Complain and/or Wax Nostalgic About

Since the cancellation of Phling and the move of the Sendoff concert, it has come to the attention of the Class of 2012 that Kenyon as we know it is changing beneath our feet. The hill we so eagerly crested during orientation in August 2008 is not the same hill we will dejectedly descend in a few days. New professors and administrators have arrived to fill vacated spots; suburbia is encroaching on the north and party policies have changed in the south; tree branches have been lost to the Great Blackout of ’08, last year’s Snowpocalypse and horticultural maintenance; gifts from Graham Gund have popped up like gophers; K-Cards are now more useful than drivers’ licenses. (Yes, dear first years: when we were your age, we had to bring bags of quarters to the laundry machines. At least we could open any dorm’s door without waving some plastic in front of it, though.) Plus we’re pretty sure the price of bookstore ice cream has gone up.

You know how the saying goes: the more things change… the more the seniors complain. Forthwith, a few of our favorite erstwhile things—the signs that Kenyon’s glory days will accordingly come to an end on May 19.

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10 o’clock list: Top Five Things To Do While Playing Hooky in Spring

Two weeks ago, while suffering from a virulent strain of Krud 2.0 (seriously, kiddos, take your vitamins), I did what had personally been nigh unthinkable and actually skipped classes. Half of them for that week, in fact. (Partly a senior bucket list activity but mostly the consequence of being too sleepy, achey, stuffy and coughy to drag myself out of bed for anything occurring before 1:00 p.m.) I found that — newsflash to no one — being a truant was quite liberating. Or it would have been, if my immune system had had enough strength to go all out.

Of course, the #1 rule to pulling a Bueller is to not be seen by any of your teachers for the rest of the day, lest they confront you about your scheme while you’re basking on Ransom Lawn with a Nalgene full of Twisted Tea. So unless you intend to spend a beautiful April day watching Adventure Time in your room (hey, no judgment), here are five pastimes that will let you bask in the glory of springtime away from stuffy classrooms and scolding fingers.

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How to Succeed as an English Major Without Really Trying: Some Vastly Oversimplified Pointers

By the time I roll off this hill in May with an eminently practical essentially useless literature degree in hand, I will have taken exactly one dozen collegiate English courses. Now, dear professors, you know I did try to soak up most of the knowledge you imparted and to write essays that you hadn’t read a hundred times before—and yet I think that much of what I have learned over these years about examining prose and poetry can be boiled down to Ten Simple Rules of Analysis.

Maybe I’ll be jinxing myself by publishing this, given that I have yet to take my comps test (I see you, March 24, I see you), but like some guy in some novel must have said at some point, “Whatever.”

So herewith, a cheat sheet to help you analyze the crap out of that book that just couldn’t compete with your Words with Friends winning streak. Read more…