How to survive the flu

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If you’re one of those weenies that haven’t gotten the flu yet, you go out and get it. Go out and get it and take it like a champ. All the cool people have the flu right now. All the cool people. And after you go out and get the flu, come back and read here to figure out how to get rid of it.

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The Sun is Back and Now I have No Excuse

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When I first pitched this idea it was supposed to be a joke, I thought to myself [read aloud in Cookie Monster fashion]: “haha dis a funny bit and I rely on external validation to live. Me want laughs. Me get laughs.” Hubris. Pure hubris. I thought all this crap would end with the first day of spring. I thought the sun would come back and I’d shed my seasonal depression like a drunk girl shimmying out of skinny jeans at the end of the night. I thought I could blame all my vices, all my misfortunes, on the dismal, Dante-esque circle of hell that is Ohio winter we all just slogged through, but instead I still wake up in the mornings, sun pouring through my window like what should be hot coffee, feeling like a Moxie turd crushed underfoot in the library pit.

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I Marie Kondo-ed My Life and Realized How Little Sparks Joy

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Look at this woman. Look at her. I love her. I want to marry her. Who is she? I’ll tell you. This is Marie Kondo. Have you heard of her? Now you have. She is the author of The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up. She is the star of Netflix sensation Tidying Up with Marie Kondo where she helps people learn how to clean up their shit physically and spiritually. This week, inspired by the love of my life, I attempted to Tidy Up.

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