Wiggin Street Coffee to release new light roasts!

Wiggin Street Coffee to release new light roasts!

They’re here! Wiggin Street’s new line of light roasts was released this past week, and they’ve been a hit on campusspecifically, a smashing and much needed hit to this campus’s overblown ego! Whether you’re a coffee person or something other than carbon-based, there’s a new Wiggin’s light roast for everybody. The baristas customize each one! Here are a few of our favorites:

  1. “Plain latte! Decafe to match your personality: all aesthetic no substance!”
  2. “I recreated your male pattern baldness in the cappuccino art”
  3. “Please take a shower.”
  4. “I know you asked for it iced, but you’re already frigid as hell.”
  5. “You asked for tea, so I spit in this cup a few times and stirred it around with my thumb—which has been up my butt—because that’s basically the same thing as Earl Gray.”
  6. “Just take your pumpkin spice, clogs, and white feminism and leave.”
  7. “Mudslide latte. Speaking of which, for the love of god flush after you’re done with the bathroom. And eat a damn banana every once and a while.”

Kenyon Doppelgängers: Anna Fuller ’19 and Mary Moore ’20


If you’ve ever tapped on Anna’s shoulder wanting to talk to Mary, or if you’ve ever tapped on Mary’s shoulder wanting to talk to Anna, know that you are not alone. It’s the beautiful brown tresses! The fact that they’re both 5’4″! This duo, though they’ve never officially met before the course of this interview, know of one another because of the sheer amount of times they’ve been mistaken for one another from the back or from afar, and we at the Thrill decided it was high time for a formal introduction.

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Meet a DA: Chloe Hannah-Drullard

Meet a DA: Chloe Hannah-Drullard

The Thrill spotlights a Discrimination Advisor regularly to raise awareness about the resources available to students on campus in relation to issues of discrimination.  They have weekly Office Hours they announce via email and can also be reached at any time using this form. Stay safe this weekend, and know that there is always someone you can talk to if you need help. Today, we’re featuring my good friend, Chloe Hannah-Drullard ’20. 

Why did you become a DA?

It (whatever it may be) can get rough sometimes. Being a DA gives me a title under which I feel empowered to help people process the ‘rough’ and move towards progress.

You have to lick the floor of one of the campus buildings. Which building do you choose to touch tongues with ?

Somewhere in the Chemistry Dept. I’ll either get kick-ass superpowers or die quick. Win win.

Choose one: Bookstore, Market, or Registrar?

Market. You can get Oreos for less than $6.

You can only listen to one song for the rest of your life. What is it?

The acoustic version of So Long Forever by Palace. Either that or Missy Elliott’s Work It. I’m unstable.

Where’s your go-to campus couch to nap on? 


You’re stuck in an elevator for twelve hours with a professor of your choosing. Who is it? 

My best friend Professor Michelle Mood. Don’t ask.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because the Sheriff wasn’t looking.

Thanks for speaking with us Chloe! 

I went braless for a month and now I can’t find my left titty

I went braless for a month and now I can’t find my left titty

Everybody’s doing #Freethenipple. Rihanna’s doing it. Bella Hadid’s doing it. My dad is doing it. If first wave feminism brought us white women suffrage, and second wave feminism brought us cis vajim-jam libertayy, third wave feminism is also about movin’ on up approximately a foot and a half up depending on the length of your torsomovin’ on up to free those nip nops.

When we beat the patriarchy on all fronts it’s gonna be because all of us decided to ditch the bra and let those breasties bounce. Or so I thought.

I was under the impression that peak gender equality looked like two pepperonis making love to two black olives on the pizza that is your body, which is why when I said are-¡hola! to my areolas this past month I went all out, all in, all nipple, all the time.

For one whole month, I didn’t wear a bra to class and I didn’t wear a bra to work. I showered braless. I worked out braless. I went up and down all nine flights of the Caples stairs braless and titty punched (read: my titty did the punching) everyone and anyone in my way.

It was good at first. I was more confident. I got better at maintaining eye contact and my nipples never once lost a staring contest. I got a raise. I was at the pinnacle of equal pay and assertiveness. I had broken the patriarch with my emancipated mammaries. But there is such a thing as too free, too unrestrained. There is a fine line between freedom and anarchy and by golly, my boobies crossed over. At the end of the month, my titties were so liberated, so free, my left one literally left my body.

I checked everywhere: by my left foot, under the bed, in the fridge, behind my ears. Ask me if I’ve looked here. Or maybe there. Go on, ask me. Do it. Because the answer is YES, I have checked there and NO, no left titty in sight. That liberated titty rolled off my body in the middle of the night, took all the cash I had and fled Gambier. Last I heard, that financially independent boob took a plane to L.A., has a tattoo and a barbell piercing, works at some organic breast milk start-up in the valley.

This isn’t the #freethenip I wanted. The left titty I freed isn’t the left titty I used to love. My left titty isn’t the feminist it always said it was— just some Machiavellian opportunist who left me in the dust. What is it with the beneficiaries of feminist movements leaving their struggling compatriates in the dust? Why does this betrayal hurt so much?  

Left titty, if you’re reading this, if you’re out there, know this: I’m not mad at you for achieving freedom, I’m just disappointed you didn’t take me with you.

Come back to me, left titty, come back. Come home.

Freshmen drops Intro Bio after confusing words organism and orgasm

Freshmen drops Intro Bio after confusing words organism and orgasm

Over the past week, the Registrar has processed a flood of mulligans (withdraw lates) as students receive their failing midterm exams and papers. While some sophomores and juniors dropped orgo and said goodbye to all hopes and dreams of ever going pre-med, English majors mulliganed their Intro Econ classes after finally realizing success was impossible without basic multiplication and division skills. But amidst the crushed futures and failed QRs, one mulligan stood out among the rest.

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