Kenyon Pets: Rhubarb Raso

Look at my dog. He’s the most beautiful ugly dog on this side of the space/time continuum. I love my dog. He keeps me warm. He keeps me young. He smells like feet and sunshine. His name is Rhubarb, which is short for Rhubarbara, which is short for Rutabagababushka. Named after my grandfather. My dog could beat your dog in any contest. Spitting for distance? Setting cakes on fire? Eating hay? I’ve never seen something eat so much hay. A lawnmower with saliva. Wonderful.  Continue reading

10 O’ Clock List: Number of Times I Farted at A Cappella Rehearsal the Other Day

10 O’ Clock List: Number of Times I Farted at A Cappella Rehearsal the Other Day

It’s a Sunday and I downed some whipped cream. Straight from the nozzle like an animal. Like somebody who knows exactly what sin is. This is good and clean and fun but I’m lactose-intolerant and that sweet sweet heavy cream gives me some sleepy, sloppy farts—some creepy, crappy farts. It’s like Dr. Seuss said: “You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes,” and, well, I got gas in my caboose Mr. Seuss and she’s ripping loose like stinky one-liners during amateur hour at the comedy club. You heard that thunder on Sunday? Nope. That was my rear end belting and swan-songing like the prima donna’s understudy.

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Peircegiving Live Blog

Peircegiving Live Blog

Pre-Peircegiving: What are you Peirceful for? I’m Peirceful for the sweet promise of sleep, for asparagus, and free refills. I’m Peirceful for clearance sections, textbook buyback, and bad television, too. But you know what I’m most Peirceful for? Peircegiving, baby. Where I can chug as much smashed potatoes as my sinful little heart can tolerate.

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Kenyon Mad Libs: A Short Biography of Phil Chase

Kenyon Mad Libs: A Short Biography of Phil Chase

Heyo! It’s staff baby Tyler “Mayonnaise on the Side” Raso ’19 here, bringing you a Kenyon College Mad Lib!

What is a Mad Lib?

A) “A phrasal template word game where one player prompts others for a list of words to substitute for blanks in a story” (Wikipedia) (((that’s an MLA citation)))

B) My Sad Childhood

C) Not the sequel to Mad Max which catalogs the dystopic adventures of Max’s long-estranged twin sister, Lib

D) All of the above Continue reading