I Drank Out of Bowls For Three Days and Sorry I’m Enlightened Now (But Not Really)

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photo cred: Mollie Greenberg, who would like to say “I think you could associate me with liquids”

Look around you. The world is two big bowls pressed together with a cranberry vinaigrette salad in the middle. Your head is a bowl for the squishy computer we call the brain. Your hands are just flexi-bowls. Eyes? Bowls. Your heart is a bowl for the slippery blood which breaths emotion and heartburn into you. Bowls, even, are fashion (see below).

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Getting Comprehensive Reproductive Care At Kenyon: A How-To Guide

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You’re waiting in the Health Center, standing next to somebody you’re friends with/ had a class with/ maybe hooked up with, scanning down the ‘confidential’ sign-in sheet for a familiar face. Many of you reading this have been there before: it’s the (probable HIPPA violation) STD clinic. While STD testing is a vital part of being a ~ healthy sexual being ~, there’s a whole lot more to reproductive health care. Thus, I thought I would share some resources that you or somebody you know will inevitably have to utilize during your time here.

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Actually Yummy Peirce Hacks: Wiggins Street Mocha

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So, most of us drink coffee. The sweet, sweet bitter drink that makes you work like something has grabbed hold of your mind and shoved it into a bucket of water and electrocuted it. Or maybe that’s just me. Anyway, being on this good Episcopalian campus, we must walk down Middle Path at least a billion times a day, and on this walk we must pass Wiggin Street Coffee.

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The Monday Catchup

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Excerpt from “A Christmas Carrel” a play by me directed by me and starring me

NARRATOR: When Scrooge awoke, the church clock tolled a deep, dull, hollow, melancholy (BONG! BONG! BONG! BONG!). Light flashed up in the room upon the instant, and the blinds by his bed were drawn up by a strange figure.

SCROOGE: Are you the Spirit, sir, whose coming was foretold to me?

FIRST GHOST: I am!

SCROOGE: Who and what are you?

FIRST GHOST: I am the Ghost of Kenyon Past.

NARRATOR: As the words were spoken, they passed through the wall, and stood in the busy thoroughfares of a college campus. It was made plain enough by the dressing of the place that here, too, it was Christmas time. The Ghost stopped at a certain door, and asked Scrooge if he knew it.

SCROOGE: Know it! I spent countless hours here. I remember these walls, this cubic furniture, the ceiling made of windows. This must be the place … I miss it. Olin and Ch–

FIRST GHOST: Don’t say it. It will be too painful for you. Yes we are here. Smell the books. Hookup in the stacks. Talk too loud on the third floor. You loved this place and took it for granted.

SCROOGE: Spirit! remove me from this place. Haunt me no longer!

NARRATOR: As he struggled with this memory and the intense pain attached to it, Scrooge realized he was a first year who had no reason to be jaded about a place he never set foot in save for during a visit day or tour. Man who the hell do you think you are? How was your weekend?

 

“Saw someone eating a cheesestick the bad way. Ruined my night.”

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Look At This COW

Last weekend, our writer Tyler Raso put dozens of Thrill headlines into a bot, and then forced the bot, against its and our will, to generate content for us. Every day this week, one article on the site will be one of the prompts the bot generated. These are our stories.

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Cows are everywhere. Here are some bot suggestions for our favorite cows.

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