Shit Professors Say, Vol. V

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These quotes have been collected from professors in various areas of study, by a variety of Thrill contributors. Click here for our previous installment.

*Glances at the clock* “I’m in despair.”

“We have lots of exciting things going on today! First of all, yes, I shaved half of my eyebrow. No, there’s no interesting story to go along with it.”

“I’m trying to figure out my existence in front of this work of art, and you guys are making out in front of it??”

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10 o’clock List: Peirce Foods That Shouldn’t Be Juiced

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So, you just went halfsies with your roommate on a used juicer from Goodwill. We’ve all been there. I bet you’re just itching to test out your new appliance on some fun new foods, but wait! I’m here to instruct you on the proper uses of your juice-o-matic through the fun and relatable medium of foods from Peirce Dining Hall. Continue reading

The Monday Catchup

Good lord. This weekend. It didn’t really break ME, but it surely broke some of my friends. The play I was stage managing went up this weekend (burtle flur by jacky silvertoe) and that was CRAZY. If any of you saw two lanky sophomores carrying pitchers of yellow liquid through the servery last week, those were my assistants stocking up for our stage beer. Turns out green tea is a very convincing substitute for beer, as proven by all the LOOKS they got during dinner rush. Closing a show always has its own sort of ~catharsis~ but OH BOY did that catharsis take a turn Saturday night post-cast-party (classic theatre kid bullshit, sorry, but also not sorry at all). Now let’s keep in mind that Senior Soiree was occurring at the same time that night. But I guarantee that the belligerent little boy I was supervising went unparalleled to any senior drunk off the school’s dime. But do not fret, he got tucked into bed at the end of the night, perfectly safe, albeit near tears about how beautiful Catcher in the Rye is. That was basically my whole weekend, but here’s my high/low/buffalo anyway:

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First-Years You Will Accidentally Converse With In The Common Room

In order to find the people you click with at Kenyon, you have to be willing to put yourself out there. And what I’ve learned during my two months on this hill is that “out there” usually means out of the comfort of your dorm and into your building’s common room. Maybe you could even find your future spouse there, scrolling through their phone on a 20-year-old leather couch, who knows! But while this is a sure possibility, it’s also likely that you’ll have to talk to a variety of characters before finding your people. These are just some of them.

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The Most (and Least) Kenyon Halloween Costumes

kenyon-fall-panoIf you think you have Kenyon Halloween all figured out, guess again, you ignorant slut! For anyone needing inspo for next year or anyone who wants to feel bad about costumes past, I’ve compiled this list of top notch (and shit tier) Kenyon costumes that’ll instantly make or break your reputation here on the Hill.

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Spice Up Your Kenyon Fall Instagram Feed

Who doesn’t love seeing the changing of the leaves, the golden glow soaking the buildings, and the pumpkins that haven’t been smashed (yet) outside of dorms? Fall in Gambier is beautiful, and boy oh boy do people love to post about it. It can be tough to compete with the seventeen different posts of what you could swear is the same exact photo (right down to the scarf and the coffee cup in hand) with a different girl’s face every time. Never fear, thots (happy thotumn)! I have crafted a few sample posts for you to steal so that you can finally be the social media mogul you were always destined to be. I hope these images inspire a new, refreshing take on Kenyon Instagram.

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