The Monday Catchup

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Hip Hip Hooray – it’s Monday. Mia and Nate accosted me at the Tommy’s on Saturday, pinning me into one of Gund Common’s many exciting corners. They lovingly placed their elbows to my throat, and said in wonderfully choreographed alternation, “Hey shit-stain, it’s your turn to write the Monday Catch-up!”

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It Happened to All of Us: Echosmith Was Here

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This past weekend was Kenyon’s annual Summer Sendoff, and as everyone knows, this year it was headlined by Echosmith, the pop band from our collective unconscious past (probably 2013? The year after the world was supposed to end, yes?) I was there for literally all of Echosmith, and here’s what I (and everyone who joined me on this journey) experienced.

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We! Are! Sleeping! On! Canva!

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You may or may not be familiar with the website known as Canva

Canva gives you a bunch of templates for various types of visual content. You can make everything from a SoundCloud banner to a marketing proposal. I made my resume on Canva, I’ve made every single advertisement for anything I’ve ever done on Canva, I’ve even made gifts for people on Canva. Canva and I are intimate acquaintances.

To open your minds and hearts to the powers of Canva, I’ve cooked up some visual content for you all. I hope, that in this article, you can really experience the limitless opportunities this blissful platform can bring to you.

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A Definitive Ranking of Peirce’s Mayonnaises

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Picture this: You’re in the servery. It’s cold and dark. You’ve just finished making your 10th sandwich of the day. You go to put some sweet, sweet mayo on that baby, only to stand there, helpless as you shake the bottle for what seems like a millennia. People line up behind you, their eyes staring daggers into your back. A baby is crying somewhere in the distance. You start to sweat profusely. The room fills with your sweat, and you’re still holding onto that goddamned mayonnaise bottle, drowning, drowning, crying out for help–All right, I think you get the point. Anyone who’s been around me for more than 3 milliseconds knows of my shameful love of mayonnaise in all of its many shapes and forms. What can I say? Blame it on my heritage. Whether it be Hellman’s (for your average joe), aioli (for the more refined) or Vegenaise (for the socially woke health nuts out there), there’s nothing that a fat dollop of mayo can’t fix. Getting said mayonnaise, however, can be a humbling experience. That’s why I’ve decided to ease your Mayo Mishaps with this much-needed list!

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Domino’s Knows I Need A Ride: The Final Time

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I did not ride in this fancy car, it was probably a Prius or something, I don’t know for sure.


And we’re back, folks. This is the last time (I promise) that I will tell this story, the story of my travels as a weary first year from South Campus to the lovely Lewis or Norton parking lot.

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