Romaine Calm! (Kenyon vs. the Romaine Lettuce Epidemic)

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You may or may not have heard about the recent romaine lettuce epidemic. The CDC has publicly stated multiple times that we do our best NOT to consume the Big Leaves until further notice. But what are the reasons behind this proclamation? What has happened to our lettuce? Who is destroying the sanctity of these vibrant emerald staples of American society? All this and more in my BIG LETTUCE CONSPIRACY THEORY INVESTIGATION.

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A Wild Ride: Domino’s Driver Turned Uber for A Night

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The Domino’s man looked lonely.

The night of PEEPs Halloween, I made my way out of Old Kenyon and through the crowd of smoke and people into the mostly empty parking lot beside the building. I was still a little bit disoriented, my ears were ringing and my glasses were still fogged a bit, and in my efforts to try and find the direction of Middle Path from the back of Old K, I saw the glow of the Domino’s sign on top of a delivery car. I went up to the pizza guy, and I made sure that he wasn’t white. If he was, I would’ve completely abandoned this idea, but he wasn’t, so I soldiered on.

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NATE’S COOKBOOK: THANKSGIVING TURKEY, I GUESS?

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So, here’s the deal. I was supposed to do a whole Thanksgiving thing the week before break, but then we had Kenyon’s Darkest Day, and so that plan went down the drain pretty quick. I haven’t thought of anything new, though, so. We’re just going with Thanksgiving, I guess? Okay, here’s how to make a Thanksgiving turkey, I hope:

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