Quiz: Should You Mulligan That Class Or Fake Your Own Death?

Let’s face it: first semester Econ has been tough. You’ve neglected homework assignments, failed tests, and disappointed your professor — and, at this point, it seems like the registrar’s one-time “Mulligan” option might be your best bet at academic safety. 

However, if you’re not into confrontation, chances are you’ve been considering the only other rational option: staging a home invasion, road tripping to Mexico, getting a job in a tinfoil factory, and maybe marrying a cute local to make yourself less suspicious in the eyes of the Mexican government. 

Unsure of which to choose? Take this quiz to find out!

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Meet a PC: Ella Musher-Eizenman ’22

The Thrill features a member of a student-support organization to bring awareness about the various resources available to the student body on campus. This week, we’re featuring Ella Musher-Eizenman ’19, a Peer Counselor from St. Louis, MO. Stay safe this week, and know that there is always someone you can talk to if you need help.

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Josh Radnor, Please Stop Haunting Me

Image result for josh radnor scary

 It’s 4:30 am, and I wake up from a nightmare in a cold sweat, covered in a pile of Cheez-It crumbs. I scramble for my phone, my hands shaking as I wipe the tears from my bloodshot eyes. My roommate shakes her head and rolls back to the other side of the bed. “God, not again. Go to bed. He’s not real.” I do not answer. I am rendered speechless by the image of my tormentor, the man who haunts my nightmares: Josh Radnor.

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Student will eat ass but won’t drink Peirce coffee

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iStock babyyy

 

For many students on campus, Peirce’s unlimited coffee is an affordable way to get a quick caffeine fix, but not for Linda Plopper ‘19, president of the ADs (Ass Devourers).

“I wish Peirce coffee tasted like ass,” said Plopper, “It’s so burned. It tastes like caffeinated stinky. Just because I like to toot the rusty old trombone on the weekends doesn’t mean I want to drink hot shit.”

The ADs are an on-campus student group committed to promoting the culinary pleasures of eating cake of the tushy-variety. Striving to destigmatize butt munching, the ADs host a variety of events ranging from sex positivity discussions to bake sales—but their most recent campaign is dedicated to replacing the coffee in Peirce with something more palatable. So why have the ADs taken such a strong stance against Peirce coffee?

“It turns the body into a straw: in through the mouth, straight out the butt,” explained Plopper. “And given our particular lifestyle, we would like to refrain from experiencing Peirce coffee secondhand.”

The ADs have been tabeling every day this week in the Peirce atrium. In a more controversial demonstration, AD members emptied the coffee dispensers and filled bathroom urinals and toilets with coffee and coffee grounds. AVI has yet to make a formal response to the ADs’ demands.     

The ADs meet Sunday (or as they like to call it, Bunday) 11.45PM in Asscension Hall.