This article is a contribution written by Mallory Richards!
Upon unearthing my first and hopefully last butt plug in the ‘papers’ heap of student recycling, I thought to myself “Hey, why would someone think this is recyclable?” (Other questions, too profane to publish, also raced through my mind).
It’s October! The leaves are changing, you’re realizing that you shouldn’t have skipped that week of Modern Quest readings, and your once-perfect skin is beginning its annual shedding. With the cold weather comes dry skin and, boy, this year it’s looking rough. Your Glossier moisturizer has dried up and your $30 Organic Spirulina Gluten-Free Foaming Face Mask has grown spots of its own, so what can you do? This wouldn’t be a problem if you had access to a Lush or even the Target skin care aisle, but the closest thing in Gambier is the Burt’s Bees section in the Bookstore and, let’s be honest, your frequent VI trips have left you with a measly $3.44 on your K-Card. I guess you’ll just have to eat away your sorrows in… That’s it! Peirce! It’s time to game the system and make your meal plan work for you and your face.
It was my first day at the University of Exeter. I had spent two days traveling, and the amount of dry body sweat layered on new sweat on another layer of dry sweat was approaching a dangerous level. As we left the bus in a Kenyon cluster like a strange Midwestern cult, we watched as Sarah Heidt and Sergei waved enthusiastically from the sidewalk with their matching windbreakers and brown sensible shoes.
“La Montagne” by Aristide Maillol
Open up the Kenyon College instagram. What do you see? Interspersed between photos of grinning first-years and intensely saturated flowers are Kenyon’s unofficial mascots: the campus statues. They see us when we’re sleeping, they know when we’re awake, and they know when we take cups from Peirce so stop for goodness sake! But which statues have the power, the drive, the big dick energy to command our attention by emitting mind-controlling vibrations?
Well howdy there all you treasure seekers, plunderers, and vagabonds alike. Now I know you’re all a’fixin’ to get on the search for the elusive treasure trove of No-Eyed Nelson, hidden for these past two hundred years in parts unknown. Well, word around the spittoon is that the first clue on that mighty fine quest might be found by applying to write for the Thrill! That’s what I did, and just look at me now:
Did Pete Davidson really come to Kenyon or was that a communal fever dream?
Hello and welcome back, my liberal arts gremlins! We know you missed us and our goblins, goofs, and gags… what’s that? You weren’t here for those bits? Well for the first years, abroad students, and people who just zoned out for the spring semester, here is some of the juiciest Thrill content you missed out on.
