Sure we’ve all heard of oysters, strawberries, and chocolates as aphrodisiacs, food to fuel your sex drive. But if you’re on a budget this Valentine’s Day and still looking to get sultry with a special someone, we all know that fresh fruit and seafood is hard to come by in the servery. That’s why we here at the Thrill have put together a list of alternative Peirce aphrodisiacs that are sure to liven up the libido. Alternatively titled, a List of Foods to Get You in the Mood, here’s the Thrill’s science certified list of Peirce foods to help make this year’s Valentine’s day extra sexy and special.
The weather’s gross, work is gross, life is gross. Faced with these facts of life I decided to ask strangers on middle path for book recommendations that might make me cry. Here’s what they said:
We’ve all been there. It’s the end of the semester and suddenly you think, “what if my professor thinks I’m the worst?” And sometimes you were right and you were the worst and your professor 100% knew it. And other times maybe you just gave off bad vibes but really weren’t that much of an asshole but they just didn’t see past the bad vibes. However it happened, to avoid this situation and to prevent this from happening ever again, I recommend a two-pronged approach during the semester.
When it comes to distribution requirements, Kenyon students talk about the dreaded “QR.” For me, it has been the opposite: the dreaded “Fine Arts” requirement. After agonizing over voice lessons or piano, art history or drawing, I settled on Sculpture I. Why I decided on this, I don’t know. I am decent at drawing, but in high school, my geometry teacher told me I was “spatially r*tarded.” So naturally, I decided to sign up for a class based on making shapes in 3D look like things.
Look, we’ve all seen it happen before, right? A student’s answering or asking a question, has a quick slip of the tongue, and accidentally calls a teacher Mom or Dad. It’s embarrassing, sure, but it happens. And yeah, okay, that usually happens when you’re maybe eleven years old or something, but do you really think it couldn’t also happen to you when you’re older? I think it could; in fact I live in constant fear of it. Could you imagine?
Well, I have imagined, so you don’t have to. Here’s a list of professors I’ve had at this school ranked by how likely I think it is that I might accidentally refer to them as Dad, and look like a real baby boy in the process. I am so terrified of any of them reading this somehow.
As you know, I am a biologist. As a result, I am all about science. That’s why, before I get into the meat of this catchup (which is chicken breast, because according to science, it is full of protein and makes us think of God’s gift to us all — human breasts), I want to address the question that’s been on the minds of biologists, philosophers, and Chris Raffa for centuries: Are women funny? I know what you’re thinking. “I can’t believe you’re buying so heavily into the gender binary, Mia. Come on.” I know that you’re also thinking about something else. “Damn. Mia is funny and ~attractive~.” Moreover, I know that you are wondering why my ex dumped me. All these questions and concerns are being addressed by scientists like me. For now my response comes in the form a question: How was your weekend?
“I prepared for doomsday.”
This article is a contribution written by Mallory Richards!
Upon unearthing my first and hopefully last butt plug in the ‘papers’ heap of student recycling, I thought to myself “Hey, why would someone think this is recyclable?” (Other questions, too profane to publish, also raced through my mind).