10 o'clock list: Kenyon Resolutions

Even though the New Year was invented by Hallmark to sell holiday cards, it’s still a valuable opportunity to work towards self-improvement. And going off of what I’ve seen since we got back, you people have a long way to go. 

There’s still time to make a resolution and stick to it. If you had a resolution and already broke it, there’s still time to make another. If you never make resolutions because “self-improvement should be a lifelong investment, not an annual fad,” fuck you.

Become a better person, and more importantly, a better Kenyon student by following these resolutions, none of which involve going to the KAC.

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The Monday Catchup

It’s a new semester. A new year. And a new decade. And with all this newness, the Monday Catchup is under new management. My management! With the first week of the semester under our belts, there is much to discuss. For me personally, the past week has been marked by speed walks to the registrar, a long-awaited reunion with the deli’s Mickey Eggs, and an ongoing inner monologue about whether or not I’m “built for a sorority.” For my peers and I, falling back into our Kenyon routines in this new year meant a year of firsts, including:

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The Monday Catchup

I’m not sure how this bit started, but some friends and I committed to make a roller skating outing before the end of the semester. We did some research, found a place about 40 minutes away called Roll-A-Way Skating Center in Newark, Ohio, and –wow!– our research revealed the place was open 24-hours on Saturdays. Okay, yes, fair, that seems like a red flag, but we trusted it. Upon our arrival, at 11:30 AM, we felt an initial wave of panic. The place looked sketchy as hell. But, damn, the parking lot was PACKED, so we still had hope. When we entered the lobby, we felt our bodies transported to another dimension. Kids were everywhere, clutching beautifully wrapped birthday presents for some kid named Daniel. It was the aesthetic of the lobby that really did a number on us. It felt like a family-owned, run-down carnival ride that had been passed down to some weird nephew named Scotty in Grampy Herbert’s will, and that weirdo Scotty converted it into a 24-hour roller skating rink for birthday parties. But alas. There was a fatal flaw in our plan. From the darkness, an adult man with a goatee emerged, who I can only assume is weird-Scotty, and he said to us, “There’s a private party happening today. You get our hours on the Google?” to which we replied yes. He then over-explained his personal feud with the multi-national technology company. The word “insidious” was used a minimum of 3 times. He apologized and hoped that, for our sake, one day “Google will be sued out of existence!” Anyway, we fled the scene and drove another hour to a different skating rink. We made sure to call and confirm their public skate hours, because goddammit, we would not be duped by that insidious Google again!

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The Monday Catchup

ohmigod you guys. Elle Woods graduated from Harvard Law School this weekend!! I’m, like, so proud of her. The daughters of Delta Nu support each other, and I’m the pledge-master of Kenyon’s chapter of Delta Nu, so you know I was at that graduation ceremony, cheering her on sooo hard, like “Honey, it’s us! The girls of Delta Nu! We came to seeeee our president beeeee legally bloooooonde.” I’m still a little bit bummed that she and Warner didn’t work out (RIP Ellner), but I’m glad she found a new mans who seems like a better guy. He’s a little scruffy? But she gave him a really good makeover and got him to ditch that corduroy tragedy he wore as a jacket. Also! He’s a frat guy! Some frat called AD… I’ve heard he lives in a bullseye??? Not really sure what that means, but I’m so happy for her. Delta Nu also had our formal this weekend, we had to compete with pretty much every other greek life org on this CAMPUS!!! But of course we pulled the people. It was like…. sold out or something ;)

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