10 o’clock list: Things I Shouldn’t Have To Say but I Guess I Have To

 

yeah, no shit, honey

What the title says.

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Open casting call for Peirce Date participants

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Are you looking for someone to keep you warm in the midst of this polar vortex? Are you pining for luvvv? Well lucky for you, the Thrill hath a way. Let us set you up on a luxurious blind date at Peirce at no cost.

You can volunteer yourself or your friend by emailing us at thekenyonthrill@kenyon.edu!

Check out all our past Peirce Dates here.

Kenyon Kernel Presents: Jessie Griffith ’19 and the epic world of microbes

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Jessie Griffith ’19 with our ancient ancestors, the thrombolites, on the coast of Newfoundland, Canada

Happy new year, nerds! Make a resolution to get smarter this year and learn from your brilliant and talented peers right here on the Hill with Kernel, my audio odyssey exploring the hidden world of academic research at Kenyon College! President Decatur approved:

!!!!!!!!!!

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The Tuesday Catchup

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One time when I was five years old I found a slug next to my house moving toward the bushes. For ten minutes, I watched it, its eyestalks sensing its environment, seemingly independently of its body. I watched it secrete the mucus layer on which it travelled. A truly marvelous invertebrate, I thought, completely unlike any other organism I had ever seen. I unscrewed the cap of the saltshaker beside me and, despite having heard that I should never do so, I emptied its contents onto the slug. The slug writhed and contorted the length of its body. Its previously perfect skin began to pop and hiss as it turned crispy, from a bright yellow to a golden brown. In that slug I saw myself. As I watched it die, I felt the sting of the salt on my back, all the moisture in my body osmosing through my skin. I fell to the ground in pain, and I saw in the bushes what I could only assume was its slug family. We lay dying together on the moss for what seemed like an eternity. In retrospect I realized I learned something valuable that day. The ability to know something, to really become acquainted with it, to love and even name it, and then dispassionately let it go to become closer to death, would prove useful throughout my life. Anyway, that’s how I got into comedy writing. How was your weekend?

“Isn’t it too late for that question?”

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NATE’S COOKBOOK: WORD SALAD (with Lillian and Jane)

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The transcript 

Okay Kenyon, we dropped the ball. Executive Editor, Nate Winer ’19, Staff Writer, Lillian Fox Peckos ’20 and myself (Daily Editor, Jane Zisman ’20) all committed to write some content for this highly regarded publication last Sunday at an editor’s meeting that I skipped. Now that the day has come for our work of collaborative, literary genius to be published, we of course have nothing more to present than the three of us sitting in Peirce, lamenting our inability to do jack shit.

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