Making friends and meeting people can sometimes be hard, but it’s very important to not just settle for any old person. If you think the crazies are wandering the streets of NYC late at night, you’re wrong. They’re the ones who live down the hall, share a class with you, wait in front of you in the line at Wiggins, and who you give a slight nod to when walking down middle path. They are always nearby, under the radar, so in order to help you filter them out, here are red flags to look out for in your peers:
Grandma’s are the worst, said nobody ever! Grandma’s are the zestiest, most wholesome, and oldest people in the world. They’re like your mother if she didn’t give a fuck. That being said, while calling Barb at the right time can be as satisfying as taking a bath, being on the phone at the wrong time can be as uncomfortable as taking a bath with your grandma. Take this quiz to find out if you should call, and don’t you dare leave a comment below(Seriously, please don’t, the Thrill punishes me for each comment I get).
So I don’t know if you’ve heard but there is a bike bunny running around campus and scattering people’s bikes across Gambier. I have had multiple friends whose bikes have gotten into the hands of this “crafty” thief. I will address this bike bunny by telling my personal story.
Oh, dear Kenyon, you have decided to disappoint us once again. You have decided to move our graduation to before finals.
This brings forth a few questions:
If seniors are graduating before our final grades are in, what does that mean for students who are relying on their final grades for graduating with honors?
Do we just leave after our finals are done? Or before?
What are you going to give us in the care package? A water bottle and a digitally signed card by Sean Decatur?
Thank you for yet again, Kenyon, for reminding all of your seniors that you simply do not care that we have any kind of special final moments on campus. I really appreciate that you have chosen to bring back the sophomores, and absolutely not give a shit about the seniors. I know this is an intensely difficult position, but your choices through the last four years (particularly your handling of COVID) has been ridiculous and short-sighted. It’s not even about the parents being here– it is the fact that I will still be working on my senior comprehensive exercises when I graduate.
At Kenyon you will (watch the school be run like a cartoon college). Don’t ask me for money.
The Kenyon Thrill 