I Drank Out of Bowls For Three Days and Sorry I’m Enlightened Now (But Not Really)

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photo cred: Mollie Greenberg, who would like to say “I think you could associate me with liquids”

Look around you. The world is two big bowls pressed together with a cranberry vinaigrette salad in the middle. Your head is a bowl for the squishy computer we call the brain. Your hands are just flexi-bowls. Eyes? Bowls. Your heart is a bowl for the slippery blood which breaths emotion and heartburn into you. Bowls, even, are fashion (see below).

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Look At This COW

Last weekend, our writer Tyler Raso put dozens of Thrill headlines into a bot, and then forced the bot, against its and our will, to generate content for us. Every day this week, one article on the site will be one of the prompts the bot generated. These are our stories.

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Cows are everywhere. Here are some bot suggestions for our favorite cows.

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Romaine Calm! (Kenyon vs. the Romaine Lettuce Epidemic)

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You may or may not have heard about the recent romaine lettuce epidemic. The CDC has publicly stated multiple times that we do our best NOT to consume the Big Leaves until further notice. But what are the reasons behind this proclamation? What has happened to our lettuce? Who is destroying the sanctity of these vibrant emerald staples of American society? All this and more in my BIG LETTUCE CONSPIRACY THEORY INVESTIGATION.

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Apply to Be a SRPA Supporter

As Sexual Respect Peer Alliance (SRPA) Supporters, we are committed to providing unbiased and unwavering support for those impacted by sexual misconduct by being their trusted peers. Our position as fellow students on this campus allows us to actively initiate and engage in conversations about sexual respect in order to promote a greater culture of consent, awareness, and support, three things that are critical to college campuses. As part of our training, we are familiar with the Title IX process and the student resources that Kenyon offers. Additionally, all SRPA Supporters actively engage in our own training throughout the year so that we can constantly improve the ways in which we communicate, support, and empower.

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Sorting Famous Literary Figures into Kenyon Frats

hemingway the dke

Kenyon is a literary as shit school and we love that here. Kenyon loves books, and the people who did books. Authors, you know? And poets and such. And there’s got to be a way to categorize all of these bad boys, and since no one really wants to think about, say, which Romantics match up with which First Year dorms (Coleridge would live in Gund, don’t @ me) we’re going to do frats, so buckle in.

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