This Week in Dungeons and Decat: The Dread Queen Gwyneth Paltrow, The Dragon of Beecher Hill Executive Firm, and a Medievo-Marxist Peasant Revolt

Once a week, in the glimmering light of candles crafted from residual pierce-grease, the mightiest and most mystical of Kenyon faculty gather in the bell tower of the Church of the Holy Spirit (who else didn’t know it was called that) for what is bureaucratically referred to as “staff meetings.” They sit, stand, and kneel, becloaked and smoking really long pipes and sipping mulled wine. Before them, levitating an eighteenth of an inch off his gold-tasseled cushion, with his feline avatar Moxie seated serenely behind the all-knowing campaign screen, the most esteemed Dungeon Master in all of central Ohio with a degree in biophysical chemistry—Sean Decatur.

This is your weekly Dungeons and Decat update.

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The Thrill Staff Shares our Screen Time Totals

Ah, blue light. Those sweet, short diodes that bake our retinas in a numb glaze. Quar has exposed us to more of it than ever, through remote classes, meetings, jobs, “happy hours” if you kept doing that after last May. Even here at the Thrill, where we’re known for being obnoxiously online, we’re getting a liiiiiiiiitle tired of being on our screens all day.

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Reaccreditation Team Impressed by Kenyon’s New Traveling Circus

Welcome back to The Thrill, Kenyon’s most trusted source for campus news. Last week, the team of college faculty that came to accredit our humble little school was pleasantly surprised by the traveling circus established specifically for the occasion. A group of Kenyon dance majors was sent to the Royal Tampa Academy of Dramatic Tricks for the week leading up to the big event, subsidized by Allison Janney ‘82, who is currently reprising her role as C.J. Cregg in The West Wing in real life as Press Secretary Jen Psaki. 

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Happy anniversary covid :)

Wowee. Just to think. One year ago today we were halfway through spring break freaking out cause the 6 p.m. Gambier coach was all booked. (Side thought, is the coach running this year? Do first-years know about the coach?) Actually literally one year ago today the University of Washington announced they were closing their campus for the rest of the semester and we were all like “dang, that sucks, glad I don’t go to that school.”

Ha.

Anyways, happy 1 year! The traditional first anniversary gift is paper. (Side thought again, who came up with that?) What paper gifts are you getting? I’m buying surgical masks. Close enough!