Audition Notice: Peirce Dates!

heart-made-of-hearts.jpgHello Lover, 

Are you on a quest for that special someone to hold you at night? Have you been searching for the One? Do you like Piña Coladas AND getting caught in the rain? Well do I have news for you! For a limited time only, The Thrill is offering to set you up on a date.

An evening of extravagance awaits, darlings. You’ll eat the finest Peirce entrées, be treated to signature cocktails, and waited on by our editorial staff. 

All you have to say is yes, cutie pie.

If you’re interested in meeting new people in a romantic setting, contact us at thekenyonthrill@kenyon.edu, and we’ll set you up!

Yours, and only yours,

The Kenyon Thrill

The Cinnamon Challenge

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We’re officially in the year 2020. Wild, right? I thought I’d use this time to wax nostalgic on the past decade. All in all, I think most of us remember it pretty well. Barack Obama, Toy Story 3, and Twitter. I think those were the important parts. Now that we’ve got that out of the way, I’d like to remind everyone of what the decade will truly be remembered for: stupid internet challenges. I want each and every one of you to remember that you were a dumbass at one point. I won’t let you forget it. Continue reading

The Monday Catchup

I’m not sure how this bit started, but some friends and I committed to make a roller skating outing before the end of the semester. We did some research, found a place about 40 minutes away called Roll-A-Way Skating Center in Newark, Ohio, and –wow!– our research revealed the place was open 24-hours on Saturdays. Okay, yes, fair, that seems like a red flag, but we trusted it. Upon our arrival, at 11:30 AM, we felt an initial wave of panic. The place looked sketchy as hell. But, damn, the parking lot was PACKED, so we still had hope. When we entered the lobby, we felt our bodies transported to another dimension. Kids were everywhere, clutching beautifully wrapped birthday presents for some kid named Daniel. It was the aesthetic of the lobby that really did a number on us. It felt like a family-owned, run-down carnival ride that had been passed down to some weird nephew named Scotty in Grampy Herbert’s will, and that weirdo Scotty converted it into a 24-hour roller skating rink for birthday parties. But alas. There was a fatal flaw in our plan. From the darkness, an adult man with a goatee emerged, who I can only assume is weird-Scotty, and he said to us, “There’s a private party happening today. You get our hours on the Google?” to which we replied yes. He then over-explained his personal feud with the multi-national technology company. The word “insidious” was used a minimum of 3 times. He apologized and hoped that, for our sake, one day “Google will be sued out of existence!” Anyway, we fled the scene and drove another hour to a different skating rink. We made sure to call and confirm their public skate hours, because goddammit, we would not be duped by that insidious Google again!

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Quiz: Should You Mulligan That Class Or Fake Your Own Death?

Let’s face it: first semester Econ has been tough. You’ve neglected homework assignments, failed tests, and disappointed your professor — and, at this point, it seems like the registrar’s one-time “Mulligan” option might be your best bet at academic safety. 

However, if you’re not into confrontation, chances are you’ve been considering the only other rational option: staging a home invasion, road tripping to Mexico, getting a job in a tinfoil factory, and maybe marrying a cute local to make yourself less suspicious in the eyes of the Mexican government. 

Unsure of which to choose? Take this quiz to find out!

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Phishing Scam or Kenyon Fuckboi?

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It (sorta) happened to me: my friend got a hilariously bad spam email. When I read it myself, something about the way that the “hacker” spoke sounded oh so familiar. I soon realized that the scammer reminded me of your garden variety Kenyon Kasanova. He managed to take on several classic Kenyon personas over the course of the email, a few of which are below:

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10 o’clock List: What I’m Peirceful For This Year

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Most of the time we try to keep it light-hearted over here at The Thrill, but I feel that now is the time of year to get real with our emotions. It’s Peircegiving time. The time of year when we hold our friends and their friends close, and tell everyone just how Peirceful we are for one another. In the spirit of the season, I’d like to give Peirces for just a few of the great many things that I am blessed to have in my life this Peircegiving time. Continue reading