How to Host Senior Soiree from Quarantine

For the class of 2021, the anticipated tradition of Senior Soiree is just another Senior Sorry :/ .

Normally the weekend before Thanksgiving break would be reserved for a flashy seniors-only Peirce formal. Underclassmen would be banished to their quads. Fairy lights would glow through the New Side windows, lighting up the Eastern horizon like a reverse sunrise. The school would buy us alcohol. 

Alas, this year is not normal, and frankly the idea of being packed in an enclosed room with hundreds of drunk maskless college students makes me want to claw my throat out. 

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Living With The Shame of Asking for No Veggies

I’m sorry, Little One, but I only eat raw hot sauce packets now

In a normal year, Peirce Dining Hall is an underappreciated hub of Kenyon social life. This year, it is the only rock in the peopleless ocean we call a college campus, and for that I am forever grateful. The fact that all this wonderful food is cooked seven days a week specifically for us is something that I’m not about to take for granted, and I want to show my Peirce Hall fandom in any way I can; any way except one.

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Top Five Unconventional and Unexpected Roles to Play in my Burgeoning Kenyon iCarly Roleplay Group

Dearest reader,

If you have received this missive, that means you have expressed interest in joining the upcoming Kenyon iCarly roleplay sessions. As of this letter, many of the main roles are taken. Do not, however, let this be a cause of consternation for you. There are still many interesting, albeit unconventional, roles for you to pursue. Below I have listed five, although there is a true treasure trove of uniquely crafted characters.

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Thrill-o-ween: Drinking Game

Yes we’re all going to be depressed alone inside this Halloween but no, we don’t have to remember it. Enjoy this drinking game all by your lonesome or zoom with a few friends to wallow together. When should I start, you ask? Whenever you want. What is time anyway?

  • Drink every time 2020 gives you a trick instead of a treat.
  • Drink when the crushing fear of your uncertain future becomes too much.
  • Drink every time you remember that it’s Halloween and you’re alone and it’s only 9pm but you’re already tired.
  • Finish your drink if you haven’t cried in 4 hours.
  • Drink every time someone posts an Insta pic of their cute costume and you look down and see that you’ve spilled cold spaghetti on your pajama shorts again. 
  • Drink for every time someone invited you to a non-socially-distanced party.
  • Drink every time someone makes an allusion to this entire year being spooky.
  • Drink every time you run into the ghost of Christmas past.
  • Drink just because… I don’t know, just fucking drink. 
  • Drink every time you look in the mirror and don’t even recognize the person staring back at you.
  • Drink if you’re in class right now.