It Happened To Me: My Mom Called Me A “Good Boy” For Having A Second Plate Of Dinner

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Author’s Note:

Well shit. I don’t know if you’ve heard, but something’s abound and it’s not a great something. However, it’s not a world-ending something. Keep your heads, don’t be dumb. I miss you all.

The Post, For Real Now:

I am a very good boy. I don’t mean to brag, but I brush my teeth twice a day and I eat all my vegetables. I am an extremely good boy. 

That being said, it’s been a while since anyone has told me I am a good boy. Therefore it came as a shock to me when, at a family meal, my dear mother commended me for eating two helpings of dinner by saying “good boy.” This vexed me. Continue reading

It Happened To Me: I Read The Entire Twilight Series As A Coping Mechanism

TwilightI hope this article finds you all safe and healthy. I know we’re trying to cope with these unsettling times the best we can- drugs, binge-watching Pandemic, and hoarding all the basic commodities we so desperately need, to name just a few. For me, it was investing all of my savings into a bear market economy, trying to get back with my ex, being super passive aggressive to my entire family (including our dog), and eventually reading the entire Twilight series.  Continue reading

Freak Things I’ve Heard In The Common Room At 3 A.M

You know the scene: It’s a Saturday night. You and your friends have just finished gorging on some Dominos cheesy bread after a night of hitting up a random all-campus followed by some NCA-hopping. You and your friend are the last two survivors at 3 AM when everyone’s gone to sleep, hiding out in the common room as both of your roommates are asleep. It is my theory the  deepest of conversations happen past midnight, but that’s kind of hard to accomplish when so many weird beings pass through the common room in a drunken stupor. Here are some freaky things I’ve overheard or seen in the common room at 3 AM.

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How to Tell Your Family About Your Weekend Without Revealing Your Heathen Ways

So, it’s that time again. You finally remember to call your family, they ask you how your weekend was, and you don’t have an answer. What are you supposed to say, that you partied so hard you don’t actually remember your weekend? Having some pre-prepared white lies to these questions can help you get out of situations like this. Luckily, they’re so simple, you can remember them no matter how hungover you are.

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Kenyon Siblings: The Mannings

This piece is the latest in a series on Kenyon Sibling relationships. Yeah, I said it. There are siblings out there that actually want to spend time together. I had the pleasure of interviewing myself, Elijah Manning ‘23, and the burden of interviewing my sister, Dylan Manning ‘21, about life at Kenyon College. We may have a residence hall named after us, but this interview will convince you that we got here on our own merit.

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Peirce Hack: Just Don’t Go

 

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A brief slice of food for thought. Next time you’re about to enter Peirce thinking about what mystery meat is on the table today or what vegetable-that’s-not-a-vegetable (I’m looking at you corn) is gonna be up for grabs this time, might I suggest taking a step back, doing a 180, and hightailing it to the nearest, I don’t know, Pop-Eyes or whatever.

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