Thrill-o-ween: Drinking Game

Yes we’re all going to be depressed alone inside this Halloween but no, we don’t have to remember it. Enjoy this drinking game all by your lonesome or zoom with a few friends to wallow together. When should I start, you ask? Whenever you want. What is time anyway?

  • Drink every time 2020 gives you a trick instead of a treat.
  • Drink when the crushing fear of your uncertain future becomes too much.
  • Drink every time you remember that it’s Halloween and you’re alone and it’s only 9pm but you’re already tired.
  • Finish your drink if you haven’t cried in 4 hours.
  • Drink every time someone posts an Insta pic of their cute costume and you look down and see that you’ve spilled cold spaghetti on your pajama shorts again. 
  • Drink for every time someone invited you to a non-socially-distanced party.
  • Drink every time someone makes an allusion to this entire year being spooky.
  • Drink every time you run into the ghost of Christmas past.
  • Drink just because… I don’t know, just fucking drink. 
  • Drink every time you look in the mirror and don’t even recognize the person staring back at you.
  • Drink if you’re in class right now. 

Oops, Google Meets Glitched and My Professor is Now an Unspeakable Mass of Flesh

Juan Gris, “Portrait of Pablo Picasso,” 1912
Oil on canvas, on Google Meets

Here I sit in my English seminar, taking in the blissful college life at Kenyon College. Except today, that life has been trapped inside my laptop, and made prisoner of the manifold abomination framed in green on the Google Meet.

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How to Not Throttle the NYC First Years Comparing Mutuals Ahead of You in Line at the Deli


I write this apology on behalf of all of the New York first years as sort of a self aware notes-app apology. I have just joined this midwestern safe haven, but I’d like to address my community and say this: I have failed you. I am so angry at myself for not seeing it sooner. I have not leveraged my New York identity that no one cares about to speak up for people from the ‘burbs. I’m sorry. Here is my commitment to do better.

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