The Secret Life of Flutes

The Fool Himself

Many of you may see a flute and think: “look at this small weak instrument that is played by fourth-graders and bearded Irishmen” but I am here to tell you it is no such thing. It is small, and played by both elementary school students and James Galway, but it is not weak. In fact, the flute may be the most dangerous instrument of all time.

Continue reading

COVID Test Speedrun, Positive% Category

Shoutout to the devs at Everlywell

Do you ever feel self-conscious about your walking speed? Like, if your destination was really that important to your life, you’d be moving a bit faster? I mean, why stop there? If your life is so important, why aren’t you doing everything more quickly, more efficiently? Hi, I’m Micah Kim, known on the COVID test speedrunning forums as NostrilPlug1, and today I’ll be channeling that existential fear into an optimization of the Everlywell self-applied COVID test.

Continue reading

Various Things That One Could Possibly Do With One Hundred Million Dollars, Just Hypothetically

I don’t know what possessed me to write this today, but for some reason the amount of $100,000,000 was just on my mind and I wanted to do some Quick MathTM to see how much that could do if it was directed towards a couple different sources. If anyone is just sitting on 100M, maybe you could get some ideas?

Continue reading

I Can’t Possibly Go To Hell, I Don’t Know Anyone There!

Recently, a Kenyon calendar came in the mail. Aptly, my father has named it “places your kid isn’t.” “Here we are, Isla,” he says, “looking at all of these beautiful snowy pictures of a school you have barely even been to,” and I can’t help but agree. Some would take this opportunity to say, “Isla, do not continue a trend in your stupid little irrelevant blog articles of being an insolent brat and complaining that you’re not on campus. No one cares.” To that I would also agree. Good jab, some, you’re on the right track. In these unprecedented times, that some would refer to as “hell,” (some would be wrong, here), I consider all the fragments of hell that are also, coincidentally, places your kid isn’t, or more matter of factly, isn’t yet.

Continue reading