Here’s the thing everyone: sometimes I’m a real dumbass. Like, in terms of Book Smarts and being a Learned Young Man, no, I’m not dumb in that regard. In fact I like to think I’m pretty smart, if it’s all the same. But just in life? Real dullard, every now and then. And the danger about being a fool out there in the world is… well, danger, which I seem to find myself in more times than my parents would be comfortable with, probably. So, that being said, here’s some of the times I nearly died on this campus because I was being stupid:
How can you become a diamond on Old Bob’s necklace of kindness? I honestly have no idea. He’s never even given me a second look when I walk up to the dessert section (which is frequently).
When I first pitched this idea it was supposed to be a joke, I thought to myself [read aloud in Cookie Monster fashion]: “haha dis a funny bit and I rely on external validation to live. Me want laughs. Me get laughs.” Hubris. Pure hubris. I thought all this crap would end with the first day of spring. I thought the sun would come back and I’d shed my seasonal depression like a drunk girl shimmying out of skinny jeans at the end of the night. I thought I could blame all my vices, all my misfortunes, on the dismal, Dante-esque circle of hell that is Ohio winter we all just slogged through, but instead I still wake up in the mornings, sun pouring through my window like what should be hot coffee, feeling like a Moxie turd crushed underfoot in the library pit.
It’s that time of year folks. Time to do the things you need to do before you do the things you need to do.
Hello everyone once again! It’s your oldest and greatest kitchen friend, Nate, here to deliver to you 1) a gentle kiss upon the forehead, mwah, love you and 2) a new recipe! Spring is in the air, friends, and so are EGGS. In the words of Grampa Thrill, Cat March, “It’s egg season–the eggs are ripe” and boy oh boy is that true.
Look at this woman. Look at her. I love her. I want to marry her. Who is she? I’ll tell you. This is Marie Kondo. Have you heard of her? Now you have. She is the author of The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up. She is the star of Netflix sensation Tidying Up with Marie Kondo where she helps people learn how to clean up their shit physically and spiritually. This week, inspired by the love of my life, I attempted to Tidy Up.
Look, I know at Kenyon we all like to think of ourselves as ~creative types~ but here’s the thing–I really am. I’m bursting with ideas for parties that are Hip and Cool and not the normal, played out, ho-hum shindigs you see every other weekend. It’s like yeah, we get it, this party is 90’s themed, fucking great, Ryan.