Making friends and meeting people can sometimes be hard, but it’s very important to not just settle for any old person. If you think the crazies are wandering the streets of NYC late at night, you’re wrong. They’re the ones who live down the hall, share a class with you, wait in front of you in the line at Wiggins, and who you give a slight nod to when walking down middle path. They are always nearby, under the radar, so in order to help you filter them out, here are red flags to look out for in your peers:Click or perish
With it being October, Halloween is right around the corner, and with Halloween comes pumpkins and with pumpkins comes overwhelming intrusive thoughts telling me to absolutely obliterate every single unlucky orange sphere that I come across.Continue reading
Woe! Your parents have betrayed you once again: they call your favorite 100 gecs songs “noise” that needs to be “turned off,” they go to bed by 10:00pm, they can’t wait for the inevitable post-presidency Biden memoir to drop, or they liken buying you medium toothbrushes to buying you cigarettes (they’re too harsh on your gums). If you managed to ignore it before, you’ve finally come to realize that your parents are indeed normies. It hurts, but lucky for you, I am more than willing to share some proven strategies to accept your parents for who they really are.Continue reading
So… you’re not getting vaccinated. Maybe you’re concerned about the three vaccines being FDA “authorized” and not “approved.” Maybe you have a phobia of needles. Maybe you’re complacent. Or maybe you just find it really empowering to walk around as a discrete biological weapon.
You do you.
But if you’re going to opt out, consider some alternative methods to attain immunity.Continue reading
Oh, dear Kenyon, you have decided to disappoint us once again. You have decided to move our graduation to before finals.
This brings forth a few questions:
- If seniors are graduating before our final grades are in, what does that mean for students who are relying on their final grades for graduating with honors?
- Do we just leave after our finals are done? Or before?
- What are you going to give us in the care package? A water bottle and a digitally signed card by Sean Decatur?
Thank you for yet again, Kenyon, for reminding all of your seniors that you simply do not care that we have any kind of special final moments on campus. I really appreciate that you have chosen to bring back the sophomores, and absolutely not give a shit about the seniors. I know this is an intensely difficult position, but your choices through the last four years (particularly your handling of COVID) has been ridiculous and short-sighted. It’s not even about the parents being here– it is the fact that I will still be working on my senior comprehensive exercises when I graduate.
At Kenyon you will (watch the school be run like a cartoon college). Don’t ask me for money.