BREAKING NEWS: Kenyon Announces “Fuck Them Kids”

Oh, dear Kenyon, you have decided to disappoint us once again. You have decided to move our graduation to before finals.

This brings forth a few questions:

  • If seniors are graduating before our final grades are in, what does that mean for students who are relying on their final grades for graduating with honors?
  • Do we just leave after our finals are done? Or before?
  • What are you going to give us in the care package? A water bottle and a digitally signed card by Sean Decatur?

Thank you for yet again, Kenyon, for reminding all of your seniors that you simply do not care that we have any kind of special final moments on campus. I really appreciate that you have chosen to bring back the sophomores, and absolutely not give a shit about the seniors. I know this is an intensely difficult position, but your choices through the last four years (particularly your handling of COVID) has been ridiculous and short-sighted. It’s not even about the parents being here– it is the fact that I will still be working on my senior comprehensive exercises when I graduate. 

At Kenyon you will (watch the school be run like a cartoon college). Don’t ask me for money.

Jane Gets LOST: Season 2

Yeah, uh-huh, that’s right– I’m already back with the next installment of Jane Gets LOST. If you thought a plane crash on an island shrouded in mystery was enticing enough, then just you wait for the trials and tribulations of Season 2. We’re talking an underground bunker situation aka THE HATCH, a bounty of new characters, shocking deaths, emotional reunions, multiple hostage scenarios, and even a thinly veiled commentary on our class-based society. Intrigued? Let’s get LOST!

**OBVIOUSLY so many spoilers ahead**

(but also this show has been out for over 15 years, get a grip)

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