COVID Test Speedrun, Positive% Category

Shoutout to the devs at Everlywell

Do you ever feel self-conscious about your walking speed? Like, if your destination was really that important to your life, you’d be moving a bit faster? I mean, why stop there? If your life is so important, why aren’t you doing everything more quickly, more efficiently? Hi, I’m Micah Kim, known on the COVID test speedrunning forums as NostrilPlug1, and today I’ll be channeling that existential fear into an optimization of the Everlywell self-applied COVID test.

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Oh Rats Was There A Football Game I Missed?

Hey everyone! I have some exciting news, over winter break I was named The Kenyon Thrill’s newest sports reporter! Just in time I might add. I’m pretty sure there’s a big game coming up, either football or hockey or something. I haven’t been able to find anything about it on the Kenyon website though so it’s probably fine. You lovely readers would tell me if I was missing something right?

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10 o’clock list: Ways to Spend this Long-Ass Winter Break

I know, I also can’t believe the semester is already over. It went by so fast!! Having class six days a week and only getting three days of break the whole semester has not left me a broken woman, I feel like I could jump right into the spring! Who’s ready for comps?!?!

Okay so we have a six-week winter break this year because of the things and stuff, and it’s straight up dangerous to leave our houses. What are we supposed to do? The Queen’s Gambit is only seven episodes long. And I don’t have Disney Plus.

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God is Punishing Me for Ditching So Much Class in High School

Listen. I do not really believe god created this entire pandemic just to punish ME for chronic truancy. God created this pandemic to punish all of us for a lot of things. But it has become clear to me, through my trials at Zoom University, that one pre-pandemic sin for which I am now paying was my failure to attend class at a legally acceptable rate throughout high school.

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10 o’clock List: Sports Teams I’m Disappointed We Don’t Have At Kenyon

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When I came to Kenyon College, I expected to have freedom that I didn’t have in high school. I had a myriad of new opportunities, like sports, or tabletop RPGs. The world was my oyster. But then I joined some a cappella group and now I’m obligated to go to twenty other a cappella concerts a year. Don’t make the same mistake as me kids. Continue reading