10 O’clock list- Ways To Continue Crane Worship Off campus

It’s that time of the year again. Most of us are leaving campus. Leaving campus means many things, saying farewell to professors, friends, but most importantly it means leaving the sight of the two great deities of campus. Whatever we are doing once we leave there will be many distractions and things which we are tempted to use to fill the whole of the cranes in our hearts. But take heart friends, there are ways to mitigate the heartache and to show the cranes that wherever you are you are thinking of them

Continue reading
Advertisements

A Final Paper Written by a Bot

Image result for robot stock image

a robot, an intellectual powerhouse, the next generation of scholar

I fed a bot papers about

  • the childhood of the Buddha (my capstone)
  • the Finnish Great Depression
  • an anthropological analysis of how first-year college students do laundry
  • uh, psychology
  • Claudia Rankine
  • Othello
  • David Foster Wallace and Cormac McCarthy
  • Irish beer, literally

and just mashed around until something came out. Below is a five-paragraph essay written by a bot (and me)

Continue reading

We! Are! Sleeping! On! Canva!

Screen Shot 2019-04-14 at 11.31.43 PM.png

You may or may not be familiar with the website known as Canva

Canva gives you a bunch of templates for various types of visual content. You can make everything from a SoundCloud banner to a marketing proposal. I made my resume on Canva, I’ve made every single advertisement for anything I’ve ever done on Canva, I’ve even made gifts for people on Canva. Canva and I are intimate acquaintances.

To open your minds and hearts to the powers of Canva, I’ve cooked up some visual content for you all. I hope, that in this article, you can really experience the limitless opportunities this blissful platform can bring to you.

Continue reading

A Definitive Ranking of Peirce’s Mayonnaises

peirce05

Picture this: You’re in the servery. It’s cold and dark. You’ve just finished making your 10th sandwich of the day. You go to put some sweet, sweet mayo on that baby, only to stand there, helpless as you shake the bottle for what seems like a millennia. People line up behind you, their eyes staring daggers into your back. A baby is crying somewhere in the distance. You start to sweat profusely. The room fills with your sweat, and you’re still holding onto that goddamned mayonnaise bottle, drowning, drowning, crying out for help–All right, I think you get the point. Anyone who’s been around me for more than 3 milliseconds knows of my shameful love of mayonnaise in all of its many shapes and forms. What can I say? Blame it on my heritage. Whether it be Hellman’s (for your average joe), aioli (for the more refined) or Vegenaise (for the socially woke health nuts out there), there’s nothing that a fat dollop of mayo can’t fix. Getting said mayonnaise, however, can be a humbling experience. That’s why I’ve decided to ease your Mayo Mishaps with this much-needed list!

Continue reading

New and Improved Roommate Pairing Questionnaire

Screen Shot 2019-04-11 at 12.27.31 PM

credit: Apple, their Apple Pencil (2nd Generation), a pencil, made of ghosts (probably), this is how they actually marketed it

 

Dear The Office of Residential Life,

It has been several years since my last confession. Though I work for you, I feel as if I could do more to work with you. I am a simple person with simple skills. I can ask politely for things I am paying for. I can put an unlimited amount of raw Sriracha in my tiny, tiny mouth. I can peel an orange in one seamless ribbon but usually I can’t. This is my effort to bring my passion for putting people into broad categories (ie. astrology, MBTI, sorting-hat) to you, The Office formally known as Residential Life. Below are what I believe to be some questions which which truly bring insight to the Roommate Pairing Process. You can reach me at wordpress.com, or at your local Post Office.

Continue reading

A Kenyon Klothes Swap Vol. V

img_5996.jpg

Welcome to WWE (stands for Kenyon Klothes Swap) featuring Tyler “Ron “Big Body” Matthews”  Raso and Ellie “Caitlin “Rock Lobster” Martin” Melick. Fortunately we are lovers, not fighters, so instead of competing we gave each other makeovers.

Continue reading