A Letter to My Two Older Brothers Who Might Be Football Players And Much More Than You Could Ever Imagine But Not In A Good Way

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I’m so curious about what kind of person reads The Thrill voluntarily. I completely understand if you were making your way to the adult site The Thrills and accidentally stumbled across this monstrosity. Maybe you were trying to get the Collegian and just forgot their name. Or, maybe you got here on purpose, which begs the question, what kind of person are you? I don’t know how much I can write about older brothers who might be football players, so I’m going to just cram the material I had for five articles into this one over the next ten minutes and we’ll see what happens. 

A little family history: My great grandfather, Edvard Manning, was in the battle of Blenheim and was the only casualty on the German side because he misread the smoke signal as charge instead of retreat. Mannings have a tendency to charge when they should be retreating. Even when we try to do what’s right, we end up causing more casualties. Here are a few examples:

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What if We Kissed In the COVID Testing Pods?

Yeah, there’s really no way to ease into this. With Covid, and masks, and trying your darndest NOT to spread germs, it’s gotten difficult (neigh, impossible) to do the smoochy smooch with another person. One could say that a lot of people on campus at this very moment are touch starved. Do not fret! I have the perfect solution to our collective struggle: the Covid testing pods.

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Bad Kenyon Fanfic Chapter 1/?

Sean Decatur Adopted Me??!?!?!? (Featuring The Kenyon Lords Ice Hockey Team, Zayn Malik, and Mr. Krabs)

Chapter One:

It started out like any other morning. I woke up in my Norton dingle and put my totally drab brown hair into a messy bun. I start to put mascara on my eyes, which are the color of Peirce beef stroganoff, which I find kind of unsettling since I am vegan. Anyway, I stick in my polymer clay earrings, grab my kanken, and head out the door.

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