10 o’Clock List: Gourmet-sounding Foods I’m Convinced Could be Made in a Dorm With a Microwave or Iron

Warning: I am not liable for any dorm fires or inedible food. I haven’t actually *tried* any of these recipes (yet!), but I’ve watched 10 seasons of the Great British Baking Show, so I’ve given myself permission to compose a list of some scrumptious foods for your culinary delight. Please note that you will need a microwave or the iron your parents sent you to school with that will never otherwise be used.

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Kenyon’s Real Rodent Problem: Mousy Brunettes

If you check your “allstu” emails or scan the Collegian, you’ve definitely seen someone complaining about Kenyon’s rampant animal infestation. Rats and bats, raccoons and squirrels… if a species is small and furry, there are almost certainly specimens lurking on campus, eagerly awaiting the opportunity to steal your DoorDash order.

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Smoking that Queen Elizabeth Pack: A Recollection of the Irish Pub Scene the Night She Croaked

As the Queen lay on her deathbed surrounded by family and friends with fleeting seconds left in her life, she managed to sputter out her final words, a testament to the young and old worldwide, “That rat bastard Reily Scott is gonna have a sick night at the club because of me.” And so it was.

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