Breaking: 2020 Commencement Speaker Announced, Vol. 2

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Oh BROTHER! Have you heard this week’s buzz on the hill? After Beto was forced to give up the commencement speakership after saying that a square could never be president, President Decatur’s cronies have given us here at The Thrill an insider scoop into the new commencement speaker for the Kenyon College Class of 2020. You heard it here first! Hank “Brother of John” Green says it’s finally “his turn” to be in the limelight and offer his sage advice for those of us getting out of here.

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The 7-10pm Seminar Drinking Game

Do you enjoy being in class while immersed in absolute darkness? Do you enjoy sacrificing evening work time in favor of sitting motionlessly for three hours as two students dominate discussion? Then this game is for you! If you’ve ever had the misfortune of taking a 7-10pm seminar, you’ll notice that certain buzzwords and behaviors become routine. Here are some that cause me psychic pain! Please do not try this at home (or in class).

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