Freak Things I’ve Heard In The Common Room At 3 A.M

You know the scene: It’s a Saturday night. You and your friends have just finished gorging on some Dominos cheesy bread after a night of hitting up a random all-campus followed by some NCA-hopping. You and your friend are the last two survivors at 3 AM when everyone’s gone to sleep, hiding out in the common room as both of your roommates are asleep. It is my theory the  deepest of conversations happen past midnight, but that’s kind of hard to accomplish when so many weird beings pass through the common room in a drunken stupor. Here are some freaky things I’ve overheard or seen in the common room at 3 AM.

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2020 Commencement Speaker Announced (For Real This Time)

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The day has finally come. No more wishing for Janney, hankering for Hank, or manifesting the pure rock ‘n’ roll power of Beto O’Rourke. Well, we might continue with that last one. But for now, we must rest. As of this morning, the word is out that the real, no joke Commencement Speaker for the Class of 2020 is Samie Kim Falvey ’96.

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Kenyon Fowls

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If nothing else, Kenyon College is a strict gulag where deviation from social norms is met with quick and brutal retaliation. God I love it here. So, despite our social codes being mostly unwritten, I decided to jot down the Seven Deadly Kenyon sins. Also how they are directly related to birds. Tag yourself if you don’t fear being “ostrich-ized” by your peers. Continue reading

Gambier Ink: Tattoos Around Campus, Part XVIII (First-Year Edition)

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Welcome to the 18th edition of ‘Gambier Ink!’ I decided to bring this feature into 2020 with a bit of a flare. I asked a few first-years about their tattoos and their possible significance. Completely by accident, I actually made a great argument for why 18 year olds should not have the ability to put permanent ink on their bodies. **Content warning: 3 out of the 4 of these tattoos are feet tats (completely accidental, I swear)… Forgive the borderline pornographic and obscene images I have attached.

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