2020 Commencement Speaker Announced (For Real This Time)

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The day has finally come. No more wishing for Janney, hankering for Hank, or manifesting the pure rock ‘n’ roll power of Beto O’Rourke. Well, we might continue with that last one. But for now, we must rest. As of this morning, the word is out that the real, no joke Commencement Speaker for the Class of 2020 is Samie Kim Falvey ’96.

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Kenyon Fowls

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If nothing else, Kenyon College is a strict gulag where deviation from social norms is met with quick and brutal retaliation. God I love it here. So, despite our social codes being mostly unwritten, I decided to jot down the Seven Deadly Kenyon sins. Also how they are directly related to birds. Tag yourself if you don’t fear being “ostrich-ized” by your peers. Continue reading

Gambier Ink: Tattoos Around Campus, Part XVIII (First-Year Edition)

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Welcome to the 18th edition of ‘Gambier Ink!’ I decided to bring this feature into 2020 with a bit of a flare. I asked a few first-years about their tattoos and their possible significance. Completely by accident, I actually made a great argument for why 18 year olds should not have the ability to put permanent ink on their bodies. **Content warning: 3 out of the 4 of these tattoos are feet tats (completely accidental, I swear)… Forgive the borderline pornographic and obscene images I have attached.

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How to Tell Your Family About Your Weekend Without Revealing Your Heathen Ways

So, it’s that time again. You finally remember to call your family, they ask you how your weekend was, and you don’t have an answer. What are you supposed to say, that you partied so hard you don’t actually remember your weekend? Having some pre-prepared white lies to these questions can help you get out of situations like this. Luckily, they’re so simple, you can remember them no matter how hungover you are.

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Kenyon’s Sexiest Architecture: Ranked

At my interview to get into this school, when asked what I liked about the campus so far, my answer was “the buildings.” Maybe it’s a trivial matter or maybe I was just nervous, but you have to admit there’s nothing like walking into almost 200-year old buildings for class every day.

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The Types of People Who Share Your P.O. Box

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Ah, the Kenyon Post Office. A place of love, loss, and lust. The place you go only when you think your eccentric-yet-wealthy aunt has sent you money, or to face the disappointment of knowing that the United States Postal Service will soon be obsolete due to the rapid technological advancements of modern society. But mostly it’s a place where you go to think: who the frick shares my P.O. Box, dude?

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