Bad Kenyon Fanfic Chapter 1/?

Sean Decatur Adopted Me??!?!?!? (Featuring The Kenyon Lords Ice Hockey Team, Zayn Malik, and Mr. Krabs)

Chapter One:

It started out like any other morning. I woke up in my Norton dingle and put my totally drab brown hair into a messy bun. I start to put mascara on my eyes, which are the color of Peirce beef stroganoff, which I find kind of unsettling since I am vegan. Anyway, I stick in my polymer clay earrings, grab my kanken, and head out the door.

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Quiz: Should You Call Your Grandma?

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Grandma’s are the worst, said nobody ever! Grandma’s are the zestiest, most wholesome, and oldest people in the world. They’re like your mother if she didn’t give a fuck. That being said, while calling Barb at the right time can be as satisfying as taking a bath, being on the phone at the wrong time can be as uncomfortable as taking a bath with your grandma. Take this quiz to find out if you should call, and don’t you dare leave a comment below (Seriously, please don’t, the Thrill punishes me for each comment I get).

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How to Make Peace with the Fact that Your Parents are Normies

Woe! Your parents have betrayed you once again: they call your favorite 100 gecs songs “noise” that needs to be “turned off,” they go to bed by 10:00pm, they can’t wait for the inevitable post-presidency Biden memoir to drop, or they liken buying you medium toothbrushes to buying you cigarettes (they’re too harsh on your gums). If you managed to ignore it before, you’ve finally come to realize that your parents are indeed normies. It hurts, but lucky for you, I am more than willing to share some proven strategies to accept your parents for who they really are.

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