If Phoebe Bridgers Wrote “Scott Street” About the Vernal Erasure of the First Years

Hello, Gambier! Remember us? We moved out two weeks ago and you seem to have forgotten us. Plan Ahead put us all on the naughty list, and we’re settling back into the bedrooms our parents made into storage spaces for yarn and the YA fiction of yesteryear. It feels like yesterday that we were parading around Gund Commons, printing out our silly little English 103 readings and gossiping about how the silly little lacrosse team made the couches into their NCA (something that Gommons simply isn’t).

Needless to say, when we got the email that told us that because half of us nimrods are taking Quest, Kenyon thought it would be cool to make us go remote after our first taste of freedom from our hometowns, we were less than enthused. So we retired to our childhood bedrooms/storage spaces. Can we even say “my childhood bedroom” if we were only gone 3 months? Did our dreamscapes invent Gambier? It’s okay, because we know that the queen of detachment from reality and bathing in sorrow on purpose, Phoebe Bridgers, has our backs. This is what she would croon to us to make us feel better about spending the next eight months separated from America’s playground, Gambier, Ohio.

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God is Punishing Me for Ditching So Much Class in High School

Listen. I do not really believe god created this entire pandemic just to punish ME for chronic truancy. God created this pandemic to punish all of us for a lot of things. But it has become clear to me, through my trials at Zoom University, that one pre-pandemic sin for which I am now paying was my failure to attend class at a legally acceptable rate throughout high school.

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10 o’clock list: Terrifying Things I’ve Seen in the Woods of I-80 PA

The Into the Wild Bus

Having sat in the passenger seat on the journey from Kenyon to Connecticut what feels like one hundred times, the four straight hours looking into the woods of what I consider mountains on I-80 Pennsylvania have told many a frightening tale! Here are some things I may or may not have seen that chilled my bones.

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10 o’clock List: Sports Teams I’m Disappointed We Don’t Have At Kenyon


When I came to Kenyon College, I expected to have freedom that I didn’t have in high school. I had a myriad of new opportunities, like sports, or tabletop RPGs. The world was my oyster. But then I joined some a cappella group and now I’m obligated to go to twenty other a cappella concerts a year. Don’t make the same mistake as me kids. Continue reading