It was recently brought to my attention that a shocking amount things in Wiggin Street Coffee are just various shades of brown. So much so that it could be argued that the interior of Wiggin is exclusively taupe-toned. Why, you ask? I don’t know. I’m asking the same question. Of all colors to pick n’ stick with, brown is objectively the worst choice. Those who remember Wiggin Ground have a more colorful, lively memory of the establishment while the rest of us have to resort to the 2012 masterpiece Liberal Arts to gain insight to what once was. Let’s take count of the cocoa colors, shall we?
There are a number of bath tubs scattered around campus in various dorm buildings. The main question is why? People with injuries tend to use them if standing in the shower is not an option, but really the main purpose of the baths is to strike fear and/or disgust into the hearts of the student body. “Who uses these?” you might howl to the night sky above, desperate for answers, tormented by the grout stains burnt into your optic nerves. Despite the general malaise surrounding Kenyon tubs, my intensive research has uncovered an extensive bath hierarchy. Below is a definitive rating of the campus tubs, from creepiest to most chill.
1. Bushnell Bath. Besides residing in a tiny room in a public hall, this bath is ground level and right next to the entrance. If that doesn’t strike fear into your heart, I don’t know what will.
Tinder isn’t a new topic on campus, nor is it on this blog. After many discussions of pick-up lines, weird encounters with classmates, and our general bemusement with the app, we couldn’t help but wonder what our very own alumni might have written back in the day. In fact, Tinder probably would have been quite helpful when Kenyon was heavy on the lords and light on the ladies. I mean, would I have accepted a pick-up line from Swedish Prime Minister Olof Palme ’48? Of course. Just the thought of him gives me sweaty palme. Read on to discover the Tinder alter-egos of your favorite (and least favorite) alumni.
1. Rutherford B. Hayes, 1842. More like Rutherford B. Hayyy-ladiez-wassup? We can only imagine the profile of one of our least favorite alumni would go something like this: I’m the one on the right. Ohio born and raised. Civil War veteran. If you’re a Whig turned Republican, I’ll put a ring on it. I took the backdoor into the presidency, so I’d be down to go through yours too. Hmu on Snapchat: B.hayy69. Oh, and 5’9 cuz apparently that’s a thing. Two measurements btw. Continue reading
We’re more than halfway done with finals week, so you’re either looking like the Corpse Bride or Fruma-Sarah from Fiddler on the Roof. Either way, you’re probably not looking too good. Of course, that doesn’t even mention your mental state. Fortunately, I can help you with that, thanks to my compilation of reality tv GIFs that articulate those feelings you are unable to.
- Wait, who’s Nietzsche again? Continue reading
Okay shhhhhh, okay shhhhhhh- I know getting a shitty lottery number is the worst. There, there please do not cry. Seriously, your snot is on my denim jacket (it’s spring I’m not wearing water repellent fabric anymore). Housing lottery woes can be stressful, and with its arrival fast approaching, we’ve got some alternative solutions to that Mather triple you’ve been simultaneously coming to terms with and dreading. Here are a few places you can try to live in next year:
1. Third Floor Ascension. The study space at the top of Ascension has it all. It’s less than a minute walk to Peirce, which means you can actually get breakfast before your 9:40. Its look is ~classic Kenyon, mainly because of those stained glass windows. And, let’s face it, those couches are way comfier than your bed.
Today, rising seniors registered. Some rejoiced. Some cried. Rising juniors and sophomores, you’re next. As such, we thought it might be nice to know what you can’t register for next semester.
1. What’s the Deal With Feet? –Transnational Perspectives at the Heels of History. In this course we will explore the metric system as it is a metaphor for transnational conflicts concerning foot fetishism. This course is designed for first years. Pedicure of the instructor required. Apparently, if you pair this course with “Three Little Piggies: Writing Infantile Amusement,” you’ll be half way to a concentration in Poor Life Choices. Omg, so cool. But comps will have me with one foot in the grave. Ha ha ha hoo hoo ho-jesus christ. Continue reading
Kenyon’s athletes are cool, we get it. The Women’s Lacrosse team routinely kicks booty. The Men’s Swim Team has proven their worth for the 34th year in a row. Even though you know their stats, you definitely don’t know these fun facts about your student athletes.