Hello my sweet readers who have chosen to click on this evocative headline. Well, it’s that time of semester for us here at the Thrill, we’re resorting to a cappella content in order to cash in on the demographic of people that both care about a cappella and dislike it. As a disclaimer I must admit that I sing a cappella on occasion, but that doesn’t mean I can’t relate to all you cool jaded college students who can’t just let people enjoy their hobbies. So, I thought I’d talk about one of the upsides of the most recent mandatory two weeks of student time-out.Continue reading
That’s right gang. Despite having no vocal training, no singing experience, and only the vaguest idea of what a time signature is, I went undercover and pretended to be in an a cappella group for two (2) years so you don’t have to. And now the jig is up, and I’m here to share with you all the things I’ve learned in my secret time singing without instruments. The Group in Question: Take Five, Kenyon’s premiere jazz a cappella group, the sexiest group on campus and the only group stupid enough to take me.
After spending a long time in the Kenyon Bubble, venturing outside can be a surreal and stressful situation. All of a sudden, the Kenyon social mores disappear and you need to actually look up when crossing the street. It gets even weirder when you do so with other Kenyon students, creating a liminal space between the familiarity of Kenyon and the alien space of the outside. And that’s exacerbated even more when the space you are going is already one of the weirdest places on the planet. And, Reader, I went to such a place.
It’s a Sunday and I downed some whipped cream. Straight from the nozzle like an animal. Like somebody who knows exactly what sin is. This is good and clean and fun but I’m lactose-intolerant and that sweet sweet heavy cream gives me some sleepy, sloppy farts—some creepy, crappy farts. It’s like Dr. Seuss said: “You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes,” and, well, I got gas in my caboose Mr. Seuss and she’s ripping loose like stinky one-liners during amateur hour at the comedy club. You heard that thunder on Sunday? Nope. That was my rear end belting and swan-songing like the prima donna’s understudy.
I get it. Sometimes you decide to binge watch the entire fifth season of Mad Men on Netflix, and you can’t finish all 200 pages of the book on mid-19th Century Macedonian political parties you were supposed to read for class. In case this happens, you should have an excuse available just in case hiding in the corner and hoping the professor doesn’t call on you fails. Kenyon-specific excuses are scientifically proven to be 50% more likely to be accepted by professors as a legitimate reason why you didn’t do the work. Below are a few of these reasons. Continue reading