The Ransom Notes Have Taken Their First Hostage (It’s Me!)

Original Art By Michael Audet ’20, but props to Stock Photo Chair Guy too

Well folks, I hope you missed hearing about Kenyon acapella, because they are back and louder than ever. Coming at you like the unholy child of a broken record and a faulty radio that only plays unintelligible word fragments, college acapella has never been more missed on the Kenyon College Campus. Also, the Kenyon College Ransom Notes are standing over me as I write! For every star I give them, I get to keep one of my fingernails.

Continue reading

10 o’clock List: Rejected Kenyon Acapella Groups

p01gvq1v.jpgKenyon Acapella: replacing Kenyon Greek Life since 1824. Although you might think you can never get enough of someone singing some doo-wop-y ballad on a Saturday night, making you feel ready to truly risk it all, not everyone would agree. Here’s a list of the acapella groups that just didn’t make the cut: 

Continue reading

The Monday Catchup

As I sat down to write this week’s catchup, I thought to myself, “oof this is gonna be tough, nothing really happened this weekend.” But, as I really reflected, I remembered more and more of the events from the past few days, and realized how perfect it all is. I’d describe the weekend as a collage. Or maybe a tapestry of life at Kenyon. An amalgamation of social spheres— a true microcosm of Kenyon’s student culture. Not only was there original musical theater happening in an art gallery, but there was an a cappella concert both nights, some Greek life cult events, AND some sort of sporting excitement that warranted hordes of loud drunk people around Hanna Hall at 10:30 in the morning. And finally, I’ll expose myself, with as little shame as possible, and say that I attended a murder mystery party and I didn’t hate it. THIS is the Liberal Arts. At Kenyon YOU WILL, GODDAMMIT. 

Continue reading

The Monday Catchup

The Monday Catchup

Today marks the four year anniversary of the death of devoted Kenyon staff member, Gourdzilla. Gourdzilla’s death in 2013 was unexpected. She suffered a heart attack while driving home from work. Her car swerved and met a telephone pole just off of 279. She was declared dead upon impact. When our campus was rocked by news of her death, students came out in droves to share fond memories. Sam Spam ’11 delivered this eulogy at Gourdzilla’s funeral service.

“We are all shocked by the sudden passing of our sweet Gourdzilla. Born Gourdzilla Octavia Stephens, she adopted the moniker ‘Gourdzilla’ as a result of her offensively massive size. Our love was directly proportional to that size. All 1,084 pounds of her will be missed. Rest in peace, Gourd-y.”

I implore you to take a moment of silence today to commemorate our favorite fallen gourd, whether you knew her personally or not. May her soul guide you each and every day. May her morbid, gourd-bid obesity touch you in ways you haven’t even considered. I hope she appeared to you this weekend. In fact, how was your weekend?

Continue reading