Look around you. The world is two big bowls pressed together with a cranberry vinaigrette salad in the middle. Your head is a bowl for the squishy computer we call the brain. Your hands are just flexi-bowls. Eyes? Bowls. Your heart is a bowl for the slippery blood which breaths emotion and heartburn into you. Bowls, even, are fashion (see below).
Ah, the delicious thrill of class participation. You raise your hand, tentatively at first, before fully solidifying your thought and thrusting your hand into the air. But how will you distinguish yourself from every other well-prepared student in the class? You can’t just comment on the author’s intentions or ask a question about figures mentioned in a study, no, you must do something that catches the attention of your professor and makes them think, “Wow, this kid knows their stuff,” and not, “Why is this school full of fucking normies…God, I wish I was teaching at Oberlin.”
There seems to be some confusion on campus about whether the phrase is “to flesh out” or “to flush out.” Only one is correct and yet people use both as though they are interchangeable. It’s an epidemic. As comedian Gary Gulman once said, using the wrong phrase is the “verbal equivalent of spinach in your teeth.”So, I’d like to clarify this once and for all. Continue reading
Happy year one to Kenyon’s Class of 2022! We, the Council of Elders, are very pleased and excited to have you here with us. We love your style, your spirit. Your large numbers. Your sweet, chittery little bird voices as you skip down Middle Path in droves, animatedly discussing how awesome your English 103 classes are. Yes! We love you very, very much!!! Because of how much we love you, we at the Thrill would like to quell your nerves a little bit by giving you some advice about how to Make It in this crazy cartoon college. If you take our advice, you are certain to graduate!!! 100% money back guarantee. Have a good day, sweetie, and don’t forget to eat lunch! Xoxo, the Kenyon Thrill. WE LOVE YOU!!!
Spoiler Alert: She didn’t take any of them! Not out of lack of love or trust, but just because they fell short of her vision, artistically speaking. Stop-motion animation is, perhaps, one of the most difficult artistic crafts in the movie and art-making game, which is why I am so utterly impressed that some of my fellow compatriots are making fantastic feature short films from what we know as the cradle of civilization, Gambier, OH. How these studio art kids find artistic (divine?) inspiration in this tiny town is frankly beyond me. So of course, I gotta take some type of crack at it! God, this might be for a pretty niche audience but I think it’s working. Continue reading
Fwd:fwd:fwd:fwd:fwd: HEALTH BENEFITS OF REB WINE
H,AHA !! JANICE FOUND THIS MIME (IS THAT HOW THE KID S CALL IT?) ON THE FACEBOOK .. ENJOY
(this is a custom meme made my me, I’m sorry)
Dear Incoming Member of the Class of 2021,
You will not meet me your Orientation week. I won’t hold open the doors of the library for you. I will not be at your first a capella concert. In the next four years you may walk the same steps as I did, your favorite VI meal may be the same as mine, and you may live in the rooms I lived. These four years will not be the best years of your life, and they will not be the worst. But they will change you and make you into the person you are meant to become. I didn’t want advice when I entered Kenyon, but as I leave I want to give some semblance of advice to you.