Everyone’s got a Kenyon alumni crush! What does your’s say about you?? Keep reading to find out lolContinue reading
I don’t know about y’all, but it feels like Kenyon is missing something. Maybe it’s the lack of unfinished NCA basements, graveyard battles of the bands, and satanic ska cults, but I think we can all agree that Gambier is getting a little too fucking soft. I mean, wouldn’t you rather incur serious brain damage from a Horn mosh pit rather than a silly game of rugby? Why don’t we have a task force about that, huh? Anyways, I figured I’d do my part in roughing up our image by showing just how edgy our admins and alumni could be if they committed to the sick bit.
It’s 4:30 am, and I wake up from a nightmare in a cold sweat, covered in a pile of Cheez-It crumbs. I scramble for my phone, my hands shaking as I wipe the tears from my bloodshot eyes. My roommate shakes her head and rolls back to the other side of the bed. “God, not again. Go to bed. He’s not real.” I do not answer. I am rendered speechless by the image of my tormentor, the man who haunts my nightmares: Josh Radnor.
Ever since digital artist Trevor Paglen uploaded his ImageNet Roulette project to the web, I’ve been obsessed. I’ve spent hours furiously uploading photos to be compared with the database and anxiously waiting for my new identity to be spit out. Am I a nonsmoker? A fighter pilot? A colleen? I hunger to know. I haven’t been able to sleep for weeks. My friends are getting worried. Deadlines have come and gone, but all I can do is give the beast what it wants. The only thing that could save me from the grips of this illness would be to happen upon an image able to expose our true reality and pull the wool from my tired eyes. And, don’t get too excited, but I think I’ve done it. I turned to the classic Kenyon figures that we know and love and, although some still miss the mark, there’s one label that matches so perfectly that I can finally end my search in success. Read on for some identifications I happened upon along the way and one that is so true and pure that it may alter life at Kenyon forevermore.
I would say that I am the Thrill’s resident Alumni Stalker. I Facebook messaged John Green for months on end (always being left on read) and I have Josh Radnor’s tweets on alert. Once he even directly responded to me! To cut to the chase, I don’t know if most normal people know this, but Josh Radnor has a band. Yes, you heard me correctly. He and a pal write three to four minute songs with titles like “It’s Yours Once You Give it Away” and “Still Though We Should Dance”.
You know when that kid from your high school tries to become a SoundCloud rapper and you’re like, haha, thank goodness we weren’t friends and thus I can’t be associated with him? This is like that, except you chose this. You chose to be grouped with the man who willingly made this video: Continue reading