AI Tells All: The True Identities of Kenyon’s Elite

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Ever since digital artist Trevor Paglen uploaded his ImageNet Roulette project to the web, I’ve been obsessed. I’ve spent hours furiously uploading photos to be compared with the database and anxiously waiting for my new identity to be spit out. Am I a nonsmoker? A fighter pilot? A colleen? I hunger to know. I haven’t been able to sleep for weeks. My friends are getting worried. Deadlines have come and gone, but all I can do is give the beast what it wants. The only thing that could save me from the grips of this illness would be to happen upon an image able to expose our true reality and pull the wool from my tired eyes. And, don’t get too excited, but I think I’ve done it. I turned to the classic Kenyon figures that we know and love and, although some still miss the mark, there’s one label that matches so perfectly that I can finally end my search in success. Read on for some identifications I happened upon along the way and one that is so true and pure that it may alter life at Kenyon forevermore.

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Josh Radnor’s Music and Drawing What I Feel


I would say that I am the Thrill’s resident Alumni Stalker. I Facebook messaged John Green for months on end (always being left on read) and I have Josh Radnor’s tweets on alert. Once he even directly responded to me! To cut to the chase, I don’t know if most normal people know this, but Josh Radnor has a band. Yes, you heard me correctly. He and a pal write three to four minute songs with titles like “It’s Yours Once You Give it Away” and “Still Though We Should Dance”.

You know when that kid from your high school tries to become a SoundCloud rapper and you’re like, haha, thank goodness we weren’t friends and thus I can’t be associated with him? This is like that, except you chose this. You chose to be grouped with the man who willingly made this video: Continue reading

10 o’clock list: Trash Cans that Look like Famous Kenyon Alums

Doppelgangers. Everyone has them. For some, it’s the hip girl in your yoga class. For others, it’s a garbage receptacle. I often find myself gazing at trash cans during my daily jaunts about campus and think to myself, “Hey! That looks like a notable Kenyon alumnus! What an amazing coincidence!” Rather than keep my findings locked inside my labyrinthine brain, I am publicizing them so we can all share a hearty chuckle and perhaps even a knee slap. Without further ado*, here are some trash cans resembling Kenyon grads.

1) John Green

trash 1  john-green

This trash can shares the same stubbly exterior as this lovable author’s face. Except instead of pebbles, he has human hair! Also, his head is covered in paper. Why is that? John Green definitely has the potential to be a great garbage container.

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Calling All Recent Kenyon Grads: We Want Your Depressing Tweets!


…or Facebook posts, Instagrams, Yelps, WUPHFs etc. Anything that takes the dream of a bright-eyed, bushy-tailed graduate-to-be and crushes it with monotony and mediocrity.

Email them to us at All will be revealed. Later. In like a few weeks. I’m just saying, don’t hold your breath.

10 o’clock list: Ways Kenyon Feeds Alums’ Egos


A purple carpet and an evening full of events and awards for someone who crashes an NCA party?

Kenyon has a long history of producing great alums, but the College has fallen into a tendency to advertise the living daylights out of a few select ones of their choosing. Famous alumni are an obvious selling point for the school, but with applications this year up something like 64 percent, why overdo it? Here are a few examples of the College feeding the egos of alumni — and not necessarily the student body’s most beloved either (let us praise Allison Janney for a minute):

1. Putting them on giant posters in Peirce – Nothing says “big ego” more than a giant poster. The posters have been validated under the guise of, “the College was just trying to let people know about the event,” but I say that a small poster would have been just as effective — this isn’t Gourdzilla. When we do we cry wolf and admit that bigger is not necessarily better?  Continue reading

Wow, a Kenyon Grad Actually Got a Job!

via Wikipedia

Of course, his résumé is probably a little more impressive than yours, Mr. Summer-Internship-at-Your-Mom’s-Friend’s-Law-Firm. Zack Space, who represented Ohio’s 18th district (the fightin’ 18th!) in Congress between 2006 and 2010, has a new gig at Vorys Advisors, an Ohio-based consulting firm. Space, a former Lords football player, graduated from Kenyon with a degree in political science, then earned his law degree from Ohio State. After practicing law for many years at Space & Space Company, a firm he opened with his father, Space, a moderate Democrat, went on to represent Kenyon and the surrounding area for two terms, before being defeated by Republican incumbent Bob Gibbs last fall. Kenyon alums: you can knock ’em down, but they’ll get right back up … and then sit down in a cushy corner office.