New and Improved Roommate Pairing Questionnaire

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credit: Apple, their Apple Pencil (2nd Generation), a pencil, made of ghosts (probably), this is how they actually marketed it

 

Dear The Office of Residential Life,

It has been several years since my last confession. Though I work for you, I feel as if I could do more to work with you. I am a simple person with simple skills. I can ask politely for things I am paying for. I can put an unlimited amount of raw Sriracha in my tiny, tiny mouth. I can peel an orange in one seamless ribbon but usually I can’t. This is my effort to bring my passion for putting people into broad categories (ie. astrology, MBTI, sorting-hat) to you, The Office formally known as Residential Life. Below are what I believe to be some questions which which truly bring insight to the Roommate Pairing Process. You can reach me at wordpress.com, or at your local Post Office.

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The subtleties of Mcbride and Mather

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I am having a truly unique sophomore year. In the fall, I was a CA in McBride. For the Spring, I’ve moved to be a CA in Mather. I was placed in Lewis freshman year, and I thought I had escaped living in one of the weird brick beasts, the dungeon halls that make you feel like you’re living in a video game and carrying a torch down a secret passageway to slay a lizard. Turns out, I won the lottery! I get to live in BOTH of them! As a SOPHOMORE! In ONE YEAR! Hurrah! Since moving into Mather, I’ve started to pick up on the slight differences between the two buildings and their communities. And that got me thinking– what makes Mather, Mather? What makes McBride, McBride? And thus began my study.

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I Drank Out of Bowls For Three Days and Sorry I’m Enlightened Now (But Not Really)

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photo cred: Mollie Greenberg, who would like to say “I think you could associate me with liquids”

Look around you. The world is two big bowls pressed together with a cranberry vinaigrette salad in the middle. Your head is a bowl for the squishy computer we call the brain. Your hands are just flexi-bowls. Eyes? Bowls. Your heart is a bowl for the slippery blood which breaths emotion and heartburn into you. Bowls, even, are fashion (see below).

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10 o’ clock List: Unsolicited advice from your mother, or unsolicited advice you give your mother?

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Parents weekend is truly a time. A moment in time. A collection of moments in time which we call collectively a weekend. What a nice invention that humans made. They made the week and then they said, heck, we have this dangling clump of time like a juicy juicy Golden Delicious and we gotta do something with it, heck, or else nothing will be done with it. Someone said we can call it the end! And everyone agreed that was a terrible idea. But because the guy who suggested that was just so very pathetic everyone decided to squish the week and the end together and call it a weekendWhat should we do with it? a voice rose from the crowd. In a peal of genius, somebody responded nothing. A wave of spearmint feeling fell over the universe.

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Kenyon Zodiac: Content from Kenyon Alums

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Hello my fellow birthday-havers! I hope you had a good Thanksgiving break and ate lots of turkey! Gobble gobble, am I right? But now we’re into the final stretch of the semester and and what’s that, you need something to watch/read/consume once finals are over? Well go ahead and bookmark this, baby, because oh do I have some content for you.
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