Bone Up: Cyber Sexual Stress

boneup

“When I was your age,” barked my grandma, “we didn’t have these newfangled video telephones! If you really wanted to show a gal how you felt below the belt, you’d do it in a letter!”

44-grandma-computer

When it comes to courting in the modern age, our generation has a staggering amount of tools at our disposal. From text messages to Snapchats, Skypes, Vibes, and everything in between, the act of broadcasting our naughty bits to our beaus and strangers alike has become exponentially easier.

But whereas grandma’s explicit letters could be delayed or lost in the mail, our virtual communications also have a wealth of issues of their own. Continue reading

Weekend Playlist: Songs That Subtly Say “Get At Me”

Mix CDs are empirically the best way to communicate your deep (or not-so-deep) romantic feelings for someone, especially if you’re awkward. Handing your special someone a mix CD with a handwritten track list turns your awkward silence into endearing shyness. The trick is to have a final song that’s suggestive enough to get your point across, and then fill the rest up with CHVRCHES or Mac Demarco or whatever the kids are into these days. Here are some suggestions for that magical “Come And Get It” song.

This isn’t the greatest Beatles song (it’s no “She Came In Through the Bathroom Window”) but I think it’s mixtape magic. Fact: I know two (2) people who have started serious relationships with this song. Use with caution.

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10 o’clock list: 5 Anxiety-Causing Professor Interactions

college is hard...

college is hard…

I’m going to be brutally honest here; I don’t consider professors real people. No sane person could possibly want to deal with a bunch of college students, so professors must be some type of transient beings who cannot exist beyond the realm of academia. Professors may even live on a different plane of existence than us mere mortals (something like this). With their otherworldliness in mind, I am constantly in fear of having to interact with professors outside of the traditional classroom setting. The following situations could make a grown man cry:

1. The Inquisitive E-Mail- “Alright, time to shoot off an e-mail to my English professor about formatting. Wait, is shooting off too informal? How formal should I be? Oh God, I don’t remember how to write a business letter. How should I close? Is putting ‘Love, Matt’ too much? It is? Crap, I hit “send” instead of “cancel.” I guess I have to transfer.”

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10 o’clock list: Five Most Awkward Family Weekend Moments

There are situations more awkward than this. (www.awkwardfamilyphotos.com)

Blah blah blah parents blah blah blah you’re awkward blah blah blah without further ado the five most awkward moments of family weekend, in no particular order.

1. Running into the person you hooked up with at the Kokes afterparty. We imagine it went down something like this…

You: Mom and Dad, this is my friend Alex.
Parent: [shaking Alex’s hand firmly] I don’t think we’ve ever met. How long have you known my son/daughter/offspring?
Alex: Uh … 12 hours.
2. When they insisted that you get a late dinner at the Cove Gambier Grill because they wanted to see “what you do on a normal night.” They’ll never make that mistake again.
3. When they asked you if they could buy you “anything”:
Parent: Really. Anything, anything at all.
You: Do you know what a handle is, or did they only have glass bottles in your time?
4. When they asked a question in your class and then proceeded to fight with your professor for a full 15 minutes.
5. When they asked you about what you are going to do with your English degree.

10 o’clock list: Top 5 Places For Awkward Social Interaction

“A small school where academic excellence goes hand in hand with a strong sense of community,” proclaims the Kenyon College Admissions website. Indeed, Kenyon is lauded for its intimate atmosphere—ranging from picturesque Middle Path to the family-style design of Peirce Hall—all of which contribute to this school solidarity. Unfortunately, the downside to a campus all of three miles wide is that it fosters, along with a “strong sense of community,” a plethora of awkward social interactions. And it limits your hiding places.

Want to avoid someone? Then don’t use Middle Path. Oh yeah, good luck getting places with your main route of transportation out. Don’t step foot in Peirce either if you know what’s good for you. Or the KAC, because I can guarantee that you will run into someone when you’re at your sweatiest. So in all honesty, if you really want to avoid someone at Kenyon you’ll have to transform into a panda-like creature that never leaves its room, since we’ve pretty much nixed eating, traveling and exercising.

This type of existence is unrealistic for a number of obvious reasons, however. Instead, I invite you to study up on the awkward danger zones so that you can be one step ahead. With this, I give you the Top 5 Places for Awkward Social Interactions, after the jump.

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