Open up the Kenyon College instagram. What do you see? Interspersed between photos of grinning first-years and intensely saturated flowers are Kenyon’s unofficial mascots: the campus statues. They see us when we’re sleeping, they know when we’re awake, and they know when we take cups from Peirce so stop for goodness sake! But which statues have the power, the drive, the big dick energy to command our attention by emitting mind-controlling vibrations?