Kenyon Kritters: Students are Way Scarier than Bats


A word of caution: The following is semi-educational and may be disturbing for some readers who get freaked out by vampires, vaguely scientific words, and cute wittle fuzzballs with precious wittle noses and pointy wittle ears. Rated 2spooky4me. 

Welcome to the dark side, mortals.

‘Tis I, the Early Bird, with gripping tales of terror and intrigue on this Hallows Eve Eve Eve *10^9. Let’s be honest, it’s been spooky time since the first leaf fell onto Middle Path in August and that leaf wasn’t even ready to drop, it just blew off in a gust of wind. This week I want to draw your attention to our silent overlords. They are always there lurking in ever dank corner of the library, every crag in the Gothic stonework of Smather, every musty poorly-lit lobby of your dorm building, every hollow of those maples your parents were oohing and aahing over this weekend. They rarely make their presence known, at least when the lights are on but when darkness falls they emerge and take to the skies. Yes, you know the beasts of which I speak, the most terrifying, unholy, adorable creatures to ever roam the night.


Continue reading

Kenyon Kritters: Hellbenders



A word of caution: The following is semi-educational and may not appeal to audiences whose brains have turned to primordial ooze over the two days we’ve been on break. Rated SQ for squishy biology.

How’s it hangin’ homo sapiens! It’s me again, the Early Bird, singing you the sweet sultry melodies of Mother Nature. So listen up, because boy oh boy do I have a hit for you.

October is by far the angstiest time of year. There’s that nagging chill in the air, the looming threat of midterms and even worse ~parents~ on the wind, and prickly tensions and tempers from the nearing apocalypse of this election season. Sometimes, you just want to curl up under a craggy rock at the bottom of a river, crank up the AC/DC and watch the world burn through your beady lidless eyes. Well, I have some friends to fuel your stir –crazy teenage rebellion. Deep in the depths of the Kokosing are creatures so dark, so mysterious, and so freaky it seems like they must have crawled out of another world … the Underworld, that is.

That’s right: the HELLBENDERS are here!

Continue reading

Parents Weekend: A Comprehensive Guide

Family Weekend: the best time of the year. Make sure not to miss out on the fun and shenanigans!

Family Weekend: the best time of the year. Make sure not to miss out on the fun and shenanigans!

With Parents Weekend coming up this weekend, you may be wondering what to do or where to take your parents or friends’ parents. Luckily for you, Kenyon has an insanely large amount of fun things to do this weekend, so whether you like to cheer on a team, hear music, or watch the stars, Kenyon has something for you!

Continue reading

Is Your Ass a Target? BFEC Advice for Keeping Your Butt Bulletproof

deer face

Will this be you?

Earlier this week the BFEC released an email via student-info reminding students to be safe during hunting season. While initially this seemed like a reasonable warning–especially for those who lack familiarity with the post-Thanksgiving Bambush (indeed, that is a combination of Bambi and ambush)–some of the suggestions were a bit unusual. Read on for our analysis:

Continue reading